I would like to share my story regarding expenses for infants. In our culture, we are led to believe that babies require a lot of things. There is no reason to “buy in” (pun intended) to this mentality.
Disclaimer: I have made the choices that were right for my family at that point in time. I hope my experience will help others.
1. Breastfeeding. Why pay for formula, an inferior product, when the best is available for free? I fed formula for a time to my oldest child because my breastfeeding was undermined by my doctor and the advice of others, as well as by my own ignorance and inexperience. Except for that period I rarely used bottles and no pacifiers nor pumps. With my older children I hand-expressed milk a few times so I could leave the baby, but with the youngest three I either stayed home or brought them with me. Even if you work out of the home and need to buy a pump or supplement with formula, breastfeeding is still a significant savings. People do have personal reasons for not wanting to breastfeed, and I respect that. Unfortunately, women are often erroneously told they can’t breastfeed because of the shape of their nipples, their babies’ weight, medication, or illnesses. Many women have even successfully breastfed after breast-reduction surgery. Not all women can breastfeed but a determined mother can often overcome problems with correct information and support. Women who want to breastfeed, and their husbands, can become educated about breastfeeding in advance, and plan to give birth in a place where good breastfeeding support is available. They can also find out where to get support after the baby comes home. And before someone suggests that breastfeeding mothers need to eat more, breastfeeding mothers do eat more (and use up more calories) but an extra bowl of oatmeal a day is a lot cheaper than a box of formula.
2. Diapers. Cloth diapers require an initial investment, but they can be either made or bought used. If you don’t have your own washing machine it may not pay. It’s important to use a minimal amount of detergent, and there is a bit of a learning curve when it comes to caring for them. Yet had I known how easy it would be, I would have done it with my older children. And they can be passed on to the next child. Disposable diapers are smellier, and the packages have to be shlepped home and the used ones out to the garbage again. Studies also show that cloth-diapered babies learn to use the toilet at a younger age. If you want to be really radical you can learn about raising children without diapers. I know people who have successfully used this method.
With the price of utilities going up, washing and drying diapers is more expensive. Presumably the costs of disposable diapers will go up accordingly. I have facilities for hanging laundry, but I have heard of really frugal people hanging diapers in their apartments. Air is free and you won’t need a humidifier. As for baby wipes, they can be made from paper towels (recipes available on the net). I usually used a washcloth or just rinsed off the baby under the faucet. And even more so than with breastfeeding, cloth diapers and wipes don’t have to be all or nothing; by all means use disposables for travelling or babysitters or Yom Tov (holidays when laundry may not be done for two or three days) if it’s more convenient.
I don’t recommend a diaper service (not that they have them in Israel). Besides being expensive, they use chemicals and excessive amounts of water to clean the diapers so they aren’t more environmentally friendly than disposables. You can get good enough results from your home washing machine on cloth without waiting for the delivery truck.
3. Baby equipment. As the mother of six living in an apartment, I have found that the more kids you have, the less stuff you need. I get by with a stroller, car seat, a high chair and a sling. As for toys, babies don’t need much; they play with the pots and pans and keys. Older children need a ball, blocks, books, and craft supplies (a riding toy is nice too). Some parents do without a highchair by using a booster at the table that can be used as the child grows. I also know someone who used a sling and no stroller; you get used to the weight as the baby grows and it’s much easier in stores. I don’t have a crib because it takes up too much room and makes it harder to care for the baby at night; instead I have a railing at the edge of my bed. And having the baby in bed with you is free birth control for a time, but not for the reason you think!! Nursing a baby at night pushes off the return of fertility. (You can read more about this in Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing. A discussion of the revised version can be found here. The author writes from a religious Catholic viewpoint but it didn’t bother me nor my haredi sister-in-law, who loved it. Here’s another link about birth control and breastfeeding. ) Babies who are tended to quickly at night return to sleep more easily so parents get more sleep too.
The best way to get clothes and baby equipment is to ask older parents, who look like they might be on their last baby, what they are planning to do with their things. Or trade back and forth with families of kids of different ages. Infant clothing is easiest to find because it is used for such a short time.
4. Baby food. Babies can go right to table food. If you wait until six months as per current recommendations, they can start with bananas mashed with a fork and move on to other slightly modified adult foods. By seven months, my youngest was eating chunks of soft food without my assistance, no grinding required.
5. Babysitting and playgroups. Some families have babysitting coops where they print out coupons and take turns. Other couples find ways to go “out” by having a romantic dinner at home after the children are asleep. I have had cooperative playgroups for my children at various times as well: The book Playful Learning has wonderful, inexpensive ideas for preschoolers either with or without a playgroup.
I wish every couple expecting this year an easy delivery of a healthy baby!!
Update:
Sephardi Lady on Orthonomics has some more ideas!
Update: Response to criticism here: Unsafe Suggestions?
While reading this I had a feeling of deja vu.
David Kirschner in Beyond BT:
Rabbi Mordechai Rhine, a Rav in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, writes a weekly Torah “Parsha Message.” As Musaf concluded on the Second Day, I read his Rosh Hashana message in which he recounted a moving and inspiring story. A young boy ran away from home. Years later, having regretted his rash decision, he wanted to return home to his parents but was unsure if they would accept him so he decided to write them a letter. He wrote, “Dear Mom and Dad, I know that I must have hurt you very much when I ran away. I would like to come back but I will understand it if you don’t want me to. So here is what I ask. If you would like me to come back, please place a kerchief on the apple tree in the backyard. When I pass by on the train, I will be able to see the tree. If the kerchief is there, I will get off at the next stop and come home. If not, I will understand and just continue on my way.” Several days later, the young man boarded a train to his hometown. As the train got closer to his home, he sensed a fear beginning to overtake him. What if his parents didn’t want him back? What if the kerchief was not tied on the apple tree? As the train neared the final bend before the backyard would come into view, the young man couldn’t bear to look. He turned to his seatmate and said, “Excuse me sir, but can you do me a favor. As we turn the bend, can you look out for the big apple tree in the yard? Just glance at it and tell me if there is a kerchief hanging from its branches.” The seatmate, unable to figure out why the young man was so agitated about a kerchief, graciously agreed to look. As the train turned the corner and the tree came into view, the seatmate gave a gasp. “What is it?” the young man asked, “Is there a kerchief there or not?” Those seconds seemed like hours to the young man. Finally, the seatmate responded, “Who would have thought? The whole tree is adorned with kerchiefs.”
I wonder where the rabbi got that story from, if not from the 1974 song. From Wikipedia:
The symbol became widely known in civilian life in the 1970s. It was the central theme of the popular song “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree”, performed by Tony Orlando and Dawn, as the sign a released convict requested from his wife or lover, to indicate that she still wanted him and that he would therefore be welcome to return home. He would be able to see it from the bus driving by their house, and would stay on the bus in the absence of the ribbon. He turned out to be very welcome: there were a hundred yellow ribbons.
In the song, the convict also has the bus passengers check the tree for him. Maybe they are both based on some old chasidishe tale I haven’t heard yet.
If a teenager regularly goes to sleep at 11 and gets up for school, and one night he goes to sleep at 9 and doesn’t manage to wake up on time, going to sleep late is not a problem. Going to sleep too early is the problem.
Having just finished two days of marathon eating and praying on Rosh Hashana, I am so grateful that we don’t have to do this very often. So in honor of the new year, and to give chizuk (encouragement) to our struggling olim chadashim (new immigrants), here’s a comparison of the holidays in Israel and in chutz laaretz (diaspora):
We calculated that at least once a year, Shabbat immediately follows or is followed by either RH or a one-day Yom Tov so we do get a taste of what we are missing.
If you haven’t got the point yet, the second day of Yom Tov is a large amount of work, expense, and inconvenience. Extra vacation days. Two days of eating, sleeping, praying, eating, and sleeping again. Loads of extra shopping, dishes and laundry. All the extra Yom Tov clothes. And about half of it is completely unnecessary. (I”ll save kvelling about how beautiful the holidays are here for my fellow bloggers, who do it better anyway.)
My 5yo came home with a bag of things from gan, pictured here. They include gan-made apple jelly, a card, a hand with “simanim” for the holiday attached to the fingers with velcro, a glossy pamphlet called “My Machzor” with a selection of holiday prayers, a pomegranate decorated with red plastic thingies, and a stand-up card wishing his parents “Shnat briut” (year of health). Nice choices and not too extravagant. I hadn’t taught him to write Hebrew letters so I was pleased to be able to read what he wrote. Presents for Rosh Hashana are very big in Israel; it’s comparable to that holiday in December. The newspapers run stories on what workers from each company are likely to get.
I was one of the last parents to get to gan (meaning I wasn’t yet standing outside when they opened the gate) and the ganenet was eager to tell me what had happened. They made a picture with all the children’s names and each child had to name a wish for the new year. Apparently my son couldn’t think of anything to say, so they finally suggested something one of the other children said. I was hoping it would be a healthy recovery for someone who was sick or world peace or something, but he ended up saying that he should have fun in the new year. They seemed to be impressed that he didn’t want anything in particular. When I asked him about it, he said that he had wanted to say a ball, but he remembered that when we were in NY he was able to pick out a present for his birthday from his grandfather and he had already chosen a ball. We still have it. So that’s why he didn’t need to ask for anything.
May Hashem answer all of our prayers this Rosh Hashanah, and inscribe us and the entire Jewish people for a good year. Leshanah tova tikatevu vetehatemu.
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