I would like to share my story regarding expenses for infants. In our culture, we are led to believe that babies require a lot of things. There is no reason to “buy in” (pun intended) to this mentality.
Read more on How to Spend Virtually Nothing when You Have a Baby…
While reading this I had a feeling of deja vu.
David Kirschner in Beyond BT:
Rabbi Mordechai Rhine, a Rav in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, writes a weekly Torah “Parsha Message.” As Musaf concluded on the Second Day, I read his Rosh Hashana message in which he recounted a moving and inspiring story. A young boy ran away from home. Years later, having regretted his rash decision, he wanted to return home to his parents but was unsure if they would accept him so he decided to write them a letter. He wrote, “Dear Mom and Dad, I know that I must have hurt you very much when I ran away. I would like to come back but I will understand it if you don’t want me to. So here is what I ask. If you would like me to come back, please place a kerchief on the apple tree in the backyard. When I pass by on the train, I will be able to see the tree. If the kerchief is there, I will get off at the next stop and come home. If not, I will understand and just continue on my way.” Several days later, the young man boarded a train to his hometown. As the train got closer to his home, he sensed a fear beginning to overtake him. What if his parents didn’t want him back? What if the kerchief was not tied on the apple tree? As the train neared the final bend before the backyard would come into view, the young man couldn’t bear to look. He turned to his seatmate and said, “Excuse me sir, but can you do me a favor. As we turn the bend, can you look out for the big apple tree in the yard? Just glance at it and tell me if there is a kerchief hanging from its branches.” The seatmate, unable to figure out why the young man was so agitated about a kerchief, graciously agreed to look. As the train turned the corner and the tree came into view, the seatmate gave a gasp. “What is it?” the young man asked, “Is there a kerchief there or not?” Those seconds seemed like hours to the young man. Finally, the seatmate responded, “Who would have thought? The whole tree is adorned with kerchiefs.”
I wonder where the rabbi got that story from, if not from the 1974 song. From Wikipedia:
If a teenager regularly goes to sleep at 11 and gets up for school, and one night he goes to sleep at 9 and doesn’t manage to wake up on time, going to sleep late is not a problem. Going to sleep too early is the problem.
Having just finished two days of marathon eating and praying on Rosh Hashana, I am so grateful that we don’t have to do this very often. So in honor of the new year, and to give chizuk (encouragement) to our struggling olim chadashim (new immigrants), here’s a comparison of the holidays in Israel and in chutz laaretz (diaspora):
My 5yo came home with a bag of things from gan, pictured here. They include gan-made apple jelly, a card, a hand with “simanim” for the holiday attached to the fingers with velcro, a glossy pamphlet called “My Machzor” with a selection of holiday prayers, a pomegranate decorated with red plastic thingies, and a stand-up card wishing his parents “Shnat briut” (year of health). Nice choices and not too extravagant. I hadn’t taught him to write Hebrew letters so I was pleased to be able to read what he wrote. Presents for Rosh Hashana are very big in Israel; it’s comparable to that holiday in December. The newspapers run stories on what workers from each company are likely to get.
I was one of the last parents to get to gan (meaning I wasn’t yet standing outside when they opened the gate) and the ganenet was eager to tell me what had happened. They made a picture with all the children’s names and each child had to name a wish for the new year. Apparently my son couldn’t think of anything to say, so they finally suggested something one of the other children said. I was hoping it would be a healthy recovery for someone who was sick or world peace or something, but he ended up saying that he should have fun in the new year. They seemed to be impressed that he didn’t want anything in particular. When I asked him about it, he said that he had wanted to say a ball, but he remembered that when we were in NY he was able to pick out a present for his birthday from his grandfather and he had already chosen a ball. We still have it. So that’s why he didn’t need to ask for anything.
May Hashem answer all of our prayers this Rosh Hashanah, and inscribe us and the entire Jewish people for a good year. Leshanah tova tikatevu vetehatemu.
Read more on Why my son didn’t have a wish for the new year…
This is what the ganenet (kindergarten teacher) asked for from the parents: A dollar is 4.5 to 5 New Israeli Shekalim. Amounts are in shekalim.
Apparently the “behavior” situation in my son’s fifth-grade class is pretty bad. Last year’s teacher didn’t handle it very well, and my son was unhappy. His best friend left for another school. My son’s school promised us a new teacher and my son likes him because he is “stricter.” Well, he came home yesterday and said that until further notice, they won’t be davening (saying prayers) in school each morning. It seems to me the parents should have been informed directly, as the children are now expected to daven at home, incidentally making our mornings more hectic.
Considering that it is not my son who is disruptive (he says he is able to daven but he is only one of 4 or 5 boys who does) I am asking myself why I should keep him in this class. I almost pulled him out in the summer but I decided to give the new teacher a chance. I wish I had a good option. Even if I did, fifth grade is a tough year to move into a new class.
Update: Davening has resumed and the teacher claims that the atmosphere has improved tremendously. I told him that I don’t believe the ends justify the means, and he accepted my difference of opinion. I hope we get through the next two years without any more problems like this.
I decided go to my daughter’s class. It’s true, as Sephardilady suggested in the comments, that I could meet the teacher another time, but I would like to see how the teacher and the school present themselves to the parents. So far they seem to have been doing a wonderful job and my daughter continues to be thrilled in her 7th grade class. As for gan, I see the teacher every day, and I heard from a mother whose opinion I trust that this ganenet doesn’t go overboard with the requests. Last year there was a discussion about collecting more money at the end of the year for something and the ganenet wouldn’t let the parents do it.
I spoke to the ganenet and asked her what the plans were for birthday parties. She said that three children have a party together, without the parents. The parents buy a gift for the child, and she recommends a towel embroidered with the child’s name on it for NIS 35 (about $8.50). I told her that I would probably not order one. She was genuinely concerned that my son would be terribly disappointed, and I tried to tell her that I would take care of it. She asked me if I would buy him something else. I have been thinking about why this whole thing bothers me so much and here is what I have come up with.
1. I don’t need another towel in the house.
2. If I did I wouldn’t buy one with the child’s name on it because I could get two for that price (and it happens that he still uses one he got as a gift when he was born, but that is beside the point).
3. I object, on principle, to being told what gift I should buy for my child, as if somehow he is missing something very special if he doesn’t get a particular item that he never even knew he needed.
4. I don’t like the idea of every child getting the same present; this will probably sound extreme but it smacks of socialism to me.
I don’t think I want to get into an argument with the ganenet about my feelings on the subject.
I have asked not to buy such a gift in the past and my children didn’t even notice that they didn’t get it. If I thought he would really care, I would buy it, but if he notices and is disappointed I will offer to go to the store with him and let him pick out a small gift. I guarantee he will prefer it to a towel.
His birthday is at the end of the year so if I’m still blogging then, I’ll let you know his reaction.
Wow, my husband just came home from the gan meeting and he is really annoyed. Stay tuned.
My husband decided to check out the links from the taharat hamishpacha ad in Haaretz. Apparently someone claims to have tested water in various mikvaot, and the water quality was “a hundred times” better that of the drinking water in Israel. So if you think the mikvah is dirty, your drinking water is probably worse. Well, I’m probably one of the few people in the country who drinks unfiltered tap water.
Okay, here is a summary of some of the speakers that I found especially interesting. I was prepared to be quite cynical about the whole thing and I was pleasantly surprised by the high quality of the speakers, and the choice of topics.
The first session involved some procedural matters and short talks by Emunah notables. Yehudit Huebner, the first president of Emunah, spoke about the denial of Judaism and Zionism within Israel. She said that sometimes people act as if we were born 50 years ago when the country was founded. She said that we can’t cut down the tree we are sitting in–meaning that it was the “galut” (diaspora) Jews who founded the state of Israel and built it, and now Israeli Jews tend to devalue the diaspora Jewish community. She also made the point that we must explain to those outside of Israel (she was Israeli Ambassador to Norway) what rights Israel has to our land.
Liora Minka, Chairwoman of Emunah, for the last five years and about to begin her second term, spoke about her forebears. Adam lo ever nenutak meha-avar shelo: Man is not a limb detached from his past. This was a theme that recurred throughout the day. She pointed out that some people say that women’s organizations are anachronistic yet there are so many areas where the government falls short. She listed all of Emunah’s activities and it is quite impressive; they include day-care centers, classes on Judaism on all levels, training women to give parenting courses, couples’ courses, and so on, the Emunah Women’s College for the Arts, programs for the elderly and new immigrants, and much more. You can check out their website for details.
After that we were treated to a performance by the choir from the children’s home in Afula. The children clearly enjoyed themselves, and it saddened me to think that these Jewish children’s parents are unable to care for them on a daily basis. In many cases the parents are drug addicts, prostitutes or mentally ill. Emunah runs several similar homes where they strive to provide as much of a family atmosphere as possible, to the point of providing funding for university and staying in touch long after they have graduated high school. The children generally attend school in the local community.
Next post on the session topic: The family in the shadow of national crisis.
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