Just about every day we get unsolicited calls falling into three categories: telemarketers, surveys, and charitable organizations. I have found that the best way to get rid of telemarketers is not to give them a chance to talk. One of my children once asked me, “Why do you always say, ‘Lo meunyanim’” (not interested)? After saying those magic words I hang up immediately. I figure I am doing them a favor by not letting them waste their time on a non-sale, although one called me right back to chastise me for being rude. I don’t think she has much of a future as a telemarketer!
On the rare occasion that I agree to answer a survey on the phone, I always regret it. They invariably take about twenty minutes to complete, even though the caller insists that it is a “short” survey, and that he is “almost” fniished. My favorite was the marketing survey about a new type of white cheese. Each of the thirty or so questions included the name of the brand. Clearly this survey was an effective advertisement as I remember the name of the cheese to this day.
When we first came to Israel, the few requests we received from charitable organizations occurred on their “yom hatramah” or annual appeal, which was run by volunteers. Nowadays our phone rings constantly with requests for one organization or another. Lately, every week brings a new organization requesting aid for “mishpechot bimetzukah” (families in distress). How many such organizations do there need to be? There are two or three in my town alone. And the callers are as aggressive as any telemarketer. I know most of them are paid, and they must work on a commission. I don’t have any other way to explain the fact that they call every two or three months or more. When going over our expenses we recently found that my husband and I had donated to an organization twice within the same week.Then there was the caller who tearfully pleaded for funds on behalf of a patient needing an operation in chutz laaretz (outside of Israel). When I mentioned an amount the caller exclaimed, “Oh, that’s not enough!” I am not implying that the request was not genuine, but I had no way of knowing for sure.
More than once I have found an exorbitant charge to a charitable organization on my credit card statement. Fortunately I was able to cancel these donations easily. Are these genuine mistakes or are they intended to beef up a commission? It’s too bad that the reputations of these organizations become sullied by this practice. I don’t want to entrust my credit card number to careless or dishonest representatives.
Yesterday I went to hear Dr. Jack Newman at the La Leche League Conference for Breastfeeding Professionals at Tel Hashomer hospital. I have summarized some of the more interesting points below.
In the context of discussing the International WHO Code of Marketing Breastmilk Substitutes (Israel is a signatory), he described the attitudes that formula companies try to foster through their marketing.
THE FOLLOWING ARE FALSEHOODS PERPETUATED IN FORMULA ADVERTISING. DR. NEWMAN’S VIEWS ARE IN PARENTHESES.
While discussing marketing, Dr. Newman made the point that mothers who start off breastfeeding are actually likely to spend more on formula than mothers who don’t. How does this work? Mothers who intend to bottlefeed from the start are usually poorer and wean their babies from expensive formula to homogenized milk at an early age, often at three or four months. A better-educated, “well-informed” mother, intending to breastfeed but ending up weaning or supplementing, is more likely to follow the AAP’s recommendation to continue with formula for a full year. Older babies eat larger quantities. This explains why formula companies send more coupons and samples to pregnant women who indicate that they are planning to breastfeed. Over 90% of mothers who start bottlefeeding in the hospital continue with the brand they received there, which is why formula companies do everything they can to get their brand into as many hospitals as they can. They not only donate the formula, they deliver it, “educate” the staff, and take care of disposal and recycling.
Dr. Newman believes that a six-month-old baby on a well-balanced diet of solid food and homogenized milk does not need formula, and that the AAP recommendation to continue with formula for a year was influenced by the formula companies who donate $2 million annually to the medical organization. Similarly, the AAP SIDS Task Force recommended pacifier use for all babies despite relying on one questionable study. The study did not show that sucking on a pacifier was more beneficial than breastfeeding in preventing SIDS. I criticized a different recommendation of the SIDS task force here.
Another lecture focused on encouraging babies who refuse the breast. The most important way of preventing this problem is to encourage mother/baby skin contact from birth. A baby kept on his mother for the first 24 hours will usually crawl to the breast and self-latch, while one forced to eat according to a schedule is more likely to resist. Even in Toronto, where birth is highly medicalized, implementing such a policy was easy. The Israeli health ministry has made moves in this direction but we are nowhere near there yet.. Dr. Newman insisted that educating doctors and health care professionals was not enough; the mothers themselves must demand the changes. I have written here about the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative. Dr. Newman has travelled all around the world as an advisor for UNICEF, evaluating hospitals according to this standard.
It turns out that Dr. Newman was born in Rehovot, the child of Jewish refugees from Poland. Because none of his father’s family survived, and his mother’s only family was in Toronto, they ended up moving there in 1948. I wonder what Dr. Newman’s career would have been had they stayed here. At any rate, I hope his visit will have an impact on the Israeli attitude toward babies and breastfeeding. Those of you in Israel who are intrigued can hear him tomorrow (Friday), where he will be lecturing to the general public at Sorasky Hall (Nursing School) at Tel Hashomer, from 9:15-13:30. Topics include Bottlefeeding mentality and breastfeeding myths, Breastfeeding and adult health (benefits for mothers and formerly breastfed babies), and Breastfeeding toddlers. Cost is NIS 135 and partners come free. The program can be downloaded here.
Mama o’ the Matrices has been school-shopping:
Too many indifferent teachers, too many classrooms with glossy posters instead of the kids’ work. And when the kids’ stuff was hung up, it was way too uniform.And the biggest strike? teachers mixing interpretive narrative (midrash) with the biblical text, and making no distinction. Never mind that while I was in the classroom, boys were called on twice as often as girls. Never mind that ‘wiggly kid’ to the principal means ‘ADHD/ADD,’ or that when asked what their goals are, the administration showed nothing beyong ‘Keeping Up With the Kerrys.’ Their communication skills lag, yes, but above all this is a school that is purporting to teach Orthodox Judaism, and they are being sloppy about it. Phaugh.
Our son is going to Kitah Aleph next year, and we just came back from a meeting as well. When I was younger, I used to ask the staff what happened with kids who were bored in class. I stopped because they always said the learning was individualistic and it never was, unless the teacher was exceptional. Now I ask for examples of how they handle behavior problems. Among other things, tonight the principal mentioned that they might ask a child to copy a relevant section of the Shulchan Aruch as a punishment for some infraction. One of my own children once had to do this. Do they really think that a child talks back to a teacher because he doesn’t know the halacha?
I’ll tell you how we are going to choose the school for our son. Forget about bored kids, lack of creativity, sex discrimination (although we don’t have the option of coeducational classes, which is fine with me), and sloppy religious teaching. We will examine our options, see what combination of hashkafic (ideological), sociological, economic, and pedagogical garbage we are best able to stomach, and choose the one that allows us to sleep best at night. It won’t be an easy choice.
In Israel the post-high school decisions take on a different flavor because of the obligation to serve in the army. There are essentially four options for observant boys.
My son will graduate from his religious-Zionist high school in a few months, God-willing. Tonight, the school invited the kids and their parents to learn more about the boys’ options. (When he saw that the invitation specifically mentioned “shnei bnei hazug” or both partners, a classmate quipped, “Can I bring my girlfriend?) As an incentive to come, they are going to screen the movie “Tay-oom Kavanot” about life in a hesder yeshiva. My husband did learn in a hesder yeshiva after high school, but he was too old to be drafted when we came so we are relatively unfamiliar with the army and the yeshiva selection process.
My son will go for his initial meeting with the army within the next few months. He has already told us that he does not want to go to hesder, because he wants to contribute the full three years to the army. He hopes that they will appreciate his talents enough to enlist him in the division that he wants, and if not, he will go to hesder. As one of my friends put it, though, the army’s goal is not always the self-fulfillment of an 18yo’s ambitions. At any rate he will not be drafted until some time next year when he turns 18 so he has a year after high school to play with. He plans to learn in yeshiva for the year.
During their senior year, 12th graders in Israeli yeshiva high schools attend two or three shavuot yeshiva (yeshiva weeks). This gives them the opportunity to experience different approaches. He has been telling us what various rabbanim in his yeshiva have been suggesting to him. One told him about a haredi yeshiva in Kiryat Gat where many boys from religious Zionist backgrounds learn before going to the army. This rav said that they don’t preach haredi ideology, and that they learn on a very high level, presumably higher than in the hesder yeshivot. We explained our reasoning for being opposed to that option. First, my husband doesn’t believe that the hesder yeshivot are necessarily at a lower level than the haredi yeshivot, and even though they might emphasize different aspects of learning. After a few years in top yeshivot there should not be a significant difference. Second, even though the haredi yeshiva might not preach, individual rabbanim might, and the attitude denigrating the army would still be present. We told him that it is his choice if he wants to become haredi and avoid the draft but that we don’t feel it is the proper thing to do. Third, the hesder yeshiva would help prepare him for halachic and hashkafic issues that he is likely to face in the army.
Another rav suggested Har Hamor, a breakaway from Yeshivat Merkaz Harav, but that one also does not match our hashkafa (religious outlook). His principal suggested Maaleh Adumim, which we have heard very good things about lately. His Rosh Yeshiva attended Kerem Be-Yavneh and our son loved the summer camp there. In the end, though, he went along with us and signed up for the first shavua yeshiva at Yeshivat Har Etzion. We explained that we think he will want to be in an environment that is intellectually open, based on his personality and learning style and his home environment. Now we’ll wait for his reaction.
I think that West Bank Mama was looking for something a little more positive in honor of her blogoversary feature, “Only in Israel.” I hope she’ll forgive me and post it anyway.
When we bought our apartment in the early 1990′s, we were entitled to a government grant and a reduced-rate mortgage. After submitting the numerous documents and permissions, the bank finally called to say that the check was ready. At around 8 in the morning I strapped my toddler into his stroller and walked to the bank, figuring that I would be back in time for his morning nap. I was seven months pregnant.
At the bank, I waited a few minutes before the clerk called me. She handed me the check, gave me a form to sign, and asked to see my “teudat oleh.” A look of indignation crossed her face as she examined it. “But this document is butal!” she exclaimed. She reached out and retrieved the check.
The teudat oleh is a passport-sized booklet, used to document all of the financial benefits that are allocated to olim chadashim (new immigrants). When we received ours at the airport, several of the pages had been stamped “butal,” or void, with large black letters. The stamp appeared on pages referring to oleh rights that were no longer in force. Unfortunately, the hand of the individual who had stamped our teudat oleh had slipped, and the marking appeared diagonally in the bottom margin of one of the valid pages, and partially on one or two of the other pages. This is what the clerk had noticed. We had already presented the teudah to various officials without anyone commenting on it. I tried to explain this but she would have none of it. She made a phone call. “You need to go to the absorption ministry and get a letter saying why your teudat oleh says “butal” on it,” she instructed me.
I saw there was no arguing with her so I packed up my toddler and my belly and walked the few blocks to the address she had given me. The sun was hot. The ministry was no longer there! By this point I was in tears. Fortunately someone was able to tell me where the ministry had moved to, and I shlepped to the bus. At the absorption ministry they were sympathetic and ushered me past the dozens of waiting Russian speakers straight into the director’s office. The director wrote me a letter on official ministry stationery, stating that I was entitled to all of the rights of an oleh. I examined the letter. “But the clerk said that the letter needs to say why the teudah was stamped “butal.” “Don’t worry,” was her comforting reply. “If I write that you are entitled to all these rights, you are also entitled to the mortgage. If the teudah were really void, it would have been marked in a much more obvious way.” Logical, right?
Leaving the ministry, I had another stroke of luck. Even though I only knew about ten people in my town, one of them drove by and offered us a ride. She even had a(n ancient) carseat. She apologized for not being able to wait and take us home from the bank. I showed the letter to the clerk. Predictably the clerk said, “The letter doesn’t say why the teudah is butal.” Another phone call. Waiting. I really don’t remember how I managed to keep my toddler occupied all this time, but by now he was going crazy. I went to a supermarket to get something for us to eat. Thus fortified, I tried approaching another clerk. The first clerk saw me and said, “Don’t ask her; she won’t be able to help you.” It was 12:00 and the bank was closing soon.
Finally, I had an idea. I took my toddler to the nearest payphone and called my husband at work (he recalls that I was not in good shape at that point). I suggested he call the bank official we had dealt with while negotiating the bank’s portion of the mortgage. He called the central office of the (small) bank and berated the clerk who answered the phone. They put him through to the CEO! In another ten minutes, the check was in my pocket.
It seems that neither the branch clerk nor her boss (who both happened to be female) was willing to risk giving me the check on the chance that the bank wouldn’t be reimbursed by the government for its portion of the mortgage. Only the more senior, male official was willing to authorize the transfer. Lessons learned: 1. Start at the top. 2. Sometimes a woman needs help from a man.
I also participated when WBM asked for posts relating aliyah stories. They were among my first posts!
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