Today we’ll give babies and toddlers a rest and look at how to help our teens navigate adolescence. I’ve learned from personal experience that nagging and power struggles don’t work. Even if such tactics result in the desired behavior, they our effectiveness in guiding teens through these critical years.
Read more on Help for Parents of Teenagers: Interview with Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch…
I recently upgraded my computer to XP; I was one of the last people with Windows 98. Unfortunately the Firefox interface switched to Hebrew without asking and I don’t know how to change it back, so all the buttons are on the wrong side of the screen. Also, I thought upgrading would fix some bugs but Windows was so good about keeping old settings that it kept some stuff I didn’t want.
I switched to Blogger Beta and am oh so happy with it. I also took the plunge and changed to the “drop and drag” template. I lost a few things on the sidebar but replaced them painlessly. I love new technology, and now I can spend my time writing instead of playing with HTML.
I also switched to Haloscan comments, but no one warned me that my old comments would disappear. I was able to copy the ones from the first page into Haloscan. I still have most of the older ones saved in email and one day when I have nothing better to do (or more likely when I do) I hope to copy most of them in. I value every comment and don’t want to lose them.
Now, back to our regular programming.
The only Israeli formula company, M*, with the pseudo-scientific Latin sounding name, has been running a successful public relations campaign within the religious community in Israel for eight years now. They teamed up with a charity organization to collect used M* scoops and bags. For every four collected, the company will donate one new can to the organization.
Who can complain about a company that will give needy mothers free formula, in exchange for stuff that would go in the garbage anyway?
Well, I can.
The campaign is a blatant violation of the International WHO Code of Marketing Breastmilk Substitutes, which Israel signed and is supposedly committed to upholding.
Let me start by saying that I support the right of every family to feed their babies as they choose. Babies should not starve, chas ve-shalom, because a mother chooses not to breastfeed. If a poor family needs formula for their baby, they should get it. Even affluent mothers have a hard time getting the information and support they need to breastfeed their babies; disadvantaged families have it worse, and their babies shouldn’t suffer.
But the manufacturer’s motives are far from pure here. What invest so much in a campaign that includes full-page ads in charedi newspapers, email blitzes, flyers passed out in schools (including my daughter’s junior high) and who knows where else? I don’t want to give them ideas but I bet they have youth groups collecting the scoops too. Here’s why they do it:
I belong to a book club, consisting of a diverse group of women with an addiction to books. Its purpose is not to discuss books (although we do), but to make sure that we each have ample reading material in English.
Anybody who’s raised teenagers knows how tough that can be. But Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch is here to help via his blog:
At Risk Advice.
It’s that time of year, when parents are running around applying to elementary school. Most families only make the decision with their oldest, so they must consider carefully.
In the religious Zionist school system, grade school options generally include:
a) Government-sponsored, public “mamlachti dati” school, known as “mamad” for short.
b) “Mamad torani.” The main differences between mamad and mamad torani are that a torani school has more leeway in selection, which they use to avoid admitting children from non-sabbath-observant families, and they charge an additional fee for enriched religious studies (in my local school this comes to NIS 70/month for an extra five hours per week).
c) Private. All private schools are heavily subsidized by the government. The way the system works, any registered school can apply for official status and receive the amount per child that the government would have paid to the public school. (This is why Safranit refers to her choices as “semi-private”) This hurts public schools because they receive less funding, and the minimal monthly fee of NIS 400-500 ($100) makes private schools very competitive with the public system. The municipality may grant extra funds to both public and private institutions.
More details of the costs for all age levels here.
Read more on Kicking ourselves in the foot: Guide to choosing an elementary school in Israel…
In honor of West Bank Mama’s “coming out” and Bec’s son’s brit, I’ll tell what happened at the brit of WBM’s oldest son back in the old country. Well, my husband thinks it happened at a different brit, but anyway. . . After the rabbi had named the baby and continued the passage that reads “zeh hakatan, ploni ben ploni, gadol yihyeh” meaning: “This small one, so and so son of so and so, may he grow big,” he read straight from the book and referred to the baby as “ploni.” Afterward, my husband and I always called WBM’s baby Ploni. Or maybe that’s what we called the other family’s baby?
There is a similar story in my husband’s extended family. The baby-namer read the above phrase, including the correct name, but forgot to add the honorific “hakohen” indicating the baby’s priestly lineage. When the father called it out, it came out “hacohen gadol yihyeh,” meaning “he will be the High Priest.” That branch of the family was always particular about its “kohen” status. The kid is a father himself now, and who knows what will be in the future?
To prevent this kind of error we would write the baby’s name on a piece of paper in advance. When we planned a Shabbat brit (unfortunately postponed) we joked about what we would do if we changed our minds at the last minute. . .
I am working on a post about the differences between public and private (religious) schools in Israel, and I haven’t forgotten my motherhood/career series. I’ve been spending too much time reading blogs, and not enough writing. Not to mention sick children, dental visits (including a root canal, an wisdom tooth extraction, and a filling–all for me), hosting a party, and the usual craziness. In the meantime, here is a picture of my 12yo daughter’s school assignment. She had to choose a personality from the Tanach, study relevant commentaries, conduct an “interview,” and do some kind of creative project. Initially she planned to make a board game but produced this diorama at the last minute. Other girls chose Esther, Ruth, Chana, and Joshua. Can you guess the obscure character she chose?*
My oldest son participated in the regional bible contest, and was one question short of making the finals. The question in question: “Which king ruled for 55 years?”** Although he was disappointed not to make it to the next level, my 10yo was even more disappointed on his behalf.
He doesn’t have much time to dwell on it, as he is busy choosing a yeshiva for next year and has his first meeting with the army next week. He told us that one of the teachers in his school is trying to talk him into going to a haredi yeshiva, and even told him not to tell the Rosh Yeshiva about it. I guess it didn’t occur to this teacher that our son would tell us. I’m glad the Rosh Yeshiva doesn’t encourage this as it used to be quite common in the early days of religious Zionist yeshiva high schools for haredi teachers to push graduates toward haredi yeshivot. Because most of today’s teachers grew up in the religious Zionist system, the problem has lessened, although it obviously hasn’t disappeared. We scheduled an appointment with the RY for next week.
Answers:
*Baalat Ha’ov, the necromancer that King Saul consulted in I Samuel, Chapter 28.
**Menashe.
An entertaining new player entered the Jewish blogosphere last Yom Kippur. The Maggid of Bergenfeld combines Torah, humor and mussar and aims to teach the lessons of each parsha and holiday through contemporary stories. I’m sure I’m not the only one who looks forward to each weekly drash. I remember Larry’s slapstick humor and creativity from when we went to college together. We even co-wrote a skit that was performed for the Orthodox Jewish student group. He claims not to remember, but I thought it was pretty good. Here is the Maggid’s own story.
What gave you the idea to start a blog?
I had been reading Dave Bogner’s blog Treppenwitz since he made Aliyah, and I had been writing down stories for my kids on the parsha for the Friday night dinner table. So I got the idea to combine the two. I’m not very computer savvy, but this idea appealed to me. I like the idea of creating a folk tradition for the modern Orthodox. Like how you might read something about the shtetl from I.B. Singer or Shalom Aleichem.
Where does the title of the blog come from?
I live in Teaneck, but I grew up in the small town next door, Bergenfield. It’s more of an ethnically mixed blue collar town. I pictured the fictional Maggid sitting in a small house in my old neighborhood telling stories to kids on Shabbat afternoon. That’s just who the Maggid is.
You took on a big commitment. Do you ever wonder if you will finish? Do you feel under pressure? How did you manage to write eight stories for Chanukah?
Writing the stories is fun. I’m having a blast, and everyone I know seems to get in on the effort. I think it’ll work out fine. They say the storyteller’s black hole is coming up (also known as Vayikra), but I say BRING IT ON!!! The only pressure is maintaining my day job while leaning obsessively over my computer, typing frantically. The eight stories for Chanukah were while my wife was away in Israel with one child for a week, so no one was there to say, “Come to sleep already.” I hope to do something similar for Pesach.
Sounds like a good way to get out of Pesach cleaning, if you can get away with it. Are the stories all new, or did you have some material prepared already?
Some of Bereishit was from the stories for my kids from last year, but only one story per week. I knew it was good if I found it in a corner of my bedroom (hand scrawled) and it made me laugh a year later. Everything else is hot off the presses.
Your wife writes some and your children have contributed too. Tell us more about them and how they are involved.
My wife is a professional writer, so the stories come easily to her. She has a degree in science journalism and writes reading books (nonfiction) for children, among other things. If I’m fleshing out a story, she may suggest something, and then I’ll say, “so write it yourself.” And then it becomes a fun project. My two older kids (Judah, age 10, Abby, age 
will have an idea, and so I have them put it on paper, and when it goes online, that just makes their day. It’s great for their imagination, and it helps them to approach the Torah from a fresh perspective.
What Jewish bloggers do you read? Any comments about the Jblogosphere?
Treppenwitz, MominIsrael (is that a hat tip?), Muqata, Chayyei Sarah, and my guilty pleasure, Dov Bear. I will wander occasionally among others. My new favorite is DavidontheLake. Fun stuff. Sometimes AskShifra makes me laugh. I think this is a great forum for the dissemination of ideas, although I think it shouldn’t be taken so seriously.
How are your sister- and brother-in-law adjusting to Israel? Any chance you will be joining them?
They’re doing great. They made aliyah this past summer to Mitzpeh Netofa in the Gallil. My sister is in Modi’in. No immediate plans for Aliyah. The Maggid of Netanya? I don’t think so.
What is your profession, and does it influence your writing in any way?
I am a pediatrician. In short, I am a large child. I don’t think that anyone who knows me well would dispute that. And does that help with the stories? Well, to quote the Maggid, “It takes one to know one.”
What will you do when the year is over? Can we look forward to a series on the haftarah?
I would continue with the parsha on some level, but I was thinking about the Siddur. We’ll see.
I suggest that you publish your blog as a book when you are done. Remember to give me credit.
Thanks. I’m very liberal with credit. If you want, we can put your picture on the jacket cover.
Great! Thank you very much for your responses. I invite my readers to check out the Maggid and give him some feedback. Comments welcome here too.
Interview with SephardiLady of Orthonomics
Read more on Looking Forward to Vayikra: An Interview with the Maggid…
Part 1: When does chinuch begin?
There is a direct connection between the type of parenting and child spacing. When the baby stays with his mother day and night, nurses on cue without bottles and pacifiers, starts solids gradually and appropriately, and spends a good deal of his time either nursing or in close physical contact with his mother, the mother’s natural postpartum infertility generally lasts for a year or two. (Six to twelve months is fairly common.) When you hear of mothers who exclusively breastfed and still had a return to fertility or a pregnancy at three months postpartum, it’s often (but not always) related to scheduled nursings, mother-baby separation, or a baby who is encouraged to sleep through the night. Because most young couples and health-care professionals lack knowledge regarding breastfeeding and fertility, the parents can’t make informed decisions. When I counsel haredi mothers they are desperate for such information. This information should be readily available to everyone, but it is especially sad when it is lacking in a community that discourages use of artificial birth control.
Here are some ways I have seen families cope with closely spaced children:
Read more on Close spacing Part 2. Fertility and Parenting styles…
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