My friend Shoshana once told me that she found women’s conversations about food and recipes to be incredibly boring. “What’s the big deal — you buy food and you cook it. Don’t women have anything else to talk about?” Only when she got married did she understand the challenge of planning menus from start to finish.

Comments to my last post on cooking indicate that even experienced homemakers have trouble coming up with ideas for daily meals. I’m opening the floor for suggestions. Here are my guidelines:

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While in college, my friend Tzippy and her family generously hosted me for many a Shabbat and Yom Tov. Tzippy’s mother didn’t expect her to help in the kitchen; she told her that she would have plenty of time later, and now she should study and have fun. The mother was right; Tzippy did get married and learned how to cook. I’m sure she consults her mother frequently about the family recipes.

Still, I’m glad to have had a different childhood experience. I left home at 17, never to return for more than a month or two at a time. My mother died when I was 26. I so appreciate the fact that she shared the legacy of her unique blend of Eastern European cooking and modern American techniques with me. The recipes would have survived, but most cooking secrets aren’t found in recipes.

I understand people who don’t have patience for kids in the kitchen. Every mother (and father) has her limits, and knowing that you “should” do something is of no use if you don’t enjoy it. Thanks to my mother, I feel I have something special to share with my children in this particular area, but there are many areas in which parents can share their experience and knowledge with their children.

I probably spend more time cooking than on any other household task. As my older kids grew into teenagers cooking regular meals became almost a full-time job in itself. Even when I do the actual cooking, I can always use help peeling and cutting vegetables. At the very least kids should be able to prepare simple meals for themselves, like scrambled eggs, and know basic safety rules.

Read more on A Cooking Legacy…

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First of all, congratulations to the winners of the Jewish-Israel Blog awards.

After you’re finished there take a look at the latest editions of the three Jewish blog carnivals:

1. Haveil Havalim, a weekly round-up of posts from Jewish and Israeli blogs.

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Hat tip: Ari Kinsberg.

According to this article, if a woman breastfeeds anyone, even an adult, the two are considered family and the usual restrictions regarding separation of men and women don’t apply. According to Islamic law, that is.

My husband points out that this could cause problems if the two (or their relatives) actually want to marry at a later point.

The Shulchan Aruch, based on the Talmud, allows breastfeeding until age two in all cases, and up to age 4 (or 5, if the child is sick) as long as the child has not ceased nursing for 72 hours. I know a few observant women who have nursed children older than that, but never discussed it with them. According to an article in Kolech’s collection on women and halacha by Dr. Deena Zimmerman, the reason for the restriction is that adults are forbidden to breastfeed (although they may drink mother’s milk indirectly) and the halacha designates the age of four to delineate between the two. I don’t remember what is special about age four, but will try to contact Dr. Zimmerman.

Halacha clearly considers breastfeeding until age two as a minimum. I know someone who thinks that a rabbi should be consulted before weaning a younger child. Whether this halacha applies today, when weaning may not visibly harm the baby, is a matter of dispute. In any case, rabbis need to recognize the health and emotional benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby when ruling on the subject.

Read more on An interesting take on religion and breastfeeding….

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Sephardi Lady asked me here whether I overestimate or underestimate the amount of help my kids can give. It seems that they always have plenty of time to read, go on the computer and play with friends, and study occasionally, so I guess they are not overworked. I suspect they would not agree! Of course, I am overworked and wish they would do more.

Below is a partial list of the jobs that my kids do regularly. One great thing about having a large family is that you can usually find someone available to help, and at least one child will enjoy doing a particular chore. My 13yo daughter enjoys pouring the boiling water into the thermos on Friday afternoon–go figure. On the other hand, when there are a lot of siblings (or even if there are only two, I bet) they say, “Why do you always ask me?” I once asked if any of them felt that I asked him/her to do chores more often than I asked the others. They all said yes.

The oldest five have a chart delineating each one’s daily chores like setting and clearing the table, taking out garbage, sweeping, making salad, and emptying the dishwasher. The older three (13-17) also all babysit regularly for the younger ones and do their own laundry. They all peel and chop vegetables. In addition:

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The riddle can be found here. Rafi figured it out right away. Here’s what happened:

After the annual Yom Haatzmaut family barbecue was cancelled because of illness, we decided to go on a hike. (Unfortunately some of us ended up sitting at the rest area because of a child with a stomachache who refused to walk, but never mind.) Because I like to be organized, I had a quick dinner planned for afterward: I put up water for spaghetti, and put some fresh tomatoes into a fleishig (meat) pot along with tomato paste (because I was out of canned tomatoes), some cooked beans (I usually keep a supply in the freezer) and meat sauce leftover from Pesach, also from the freezer (you may remember my discussion of Pesach soup–I thought Pesach chili would be an interesting change). But when I tipped in the sauce, I discovered fish in it. I had planned to add some cooked ground turkey. The good news is that I guess I finished all the Pesach sauce pretty early this year!

So I was left with a tomato sauce with fish and beans that couldn’t be eaten with the turkey that I planned to serve. I added some onions and zucchini to it, but it was still a bit disappointing. I served the tomato/fish/bean sauce as soup a couple of times, but my husband and I were the only ones who touched it. I do think canned tomatoes would have improved it tremendously. I later added some cabbage to give it more flavor. It just bugs me that I can’t take the cup or two that are back in my freezer and add them to cholent (because we don’t mix fish and meat) or to a pareve or dairy soup or sauce (because it was cooked in a meat pot).

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I cooked something in my kitchen. It’s completely pareve and edible, but I can’t add it to a dairy dish nor to a meat dish. I can only eat it as is, or improve it by adding other pareve items.

In a few days I will describe how I (accidentally) made this dish.

Read more on A Halachic Riddle…

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A mother I know described a challenging situation involving one of her children. Without relating to the specific issues, I decided to post some general suggestions for surviving tough times.

1. Let go of the guilt. Yes, we all make mistakes, big and small, and need to improve, but guilt feelings interfere with our ability to make changes. Similarly, embarrassment about the the child’s behavior shows our children that we care more about what others think than about them. Both of these emotions can also lead to avoidance or denial.

Read more on Dealing with Challenging Children…

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I like this article from Aish about cooperation from children because the author, Meir Wikler, expects children to help out as a matter of course. We shouldn’t need to give prizes or even stickers to our children every time they help us, nor inflict a “consequence,” even a “natural” one, on our flesh and blood when they fail to do as we ask.

Read more on Wikler on Cooperation…

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Thank you for all the comments on the previous post. I hope this direct link will work for the reader in China who can only access the blog by email. Some commenters noted that by interpreting halacha on tzniut too strictly the rabbis (and Orthodox society) may unintentionally deter women from a particular observance altogether. For instance, many women don’t know that a legitimate halachic opinion allows women to go without a head covering in their own home (or perhaps any private home), even in the presence of other men. Lion of Zion provides a real-life example of that practice.

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