Comments on: Dealing with Challenging Children http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/ A community about parenting, Judaism, and Israeli living. Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:30:11 +0000 hourly 1 By: Shoshana http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-8233 Shoshana Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:39:44 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-8233 A top educator (Yerushalmi woman) removed a lot of my guilt feelings very quickly. She said that my disability is not a reason to feel guilty of poor parenting of an ADHD child. The world today seems to make all women feel that they are inadequate mothers. We need help and support. A top educator (Yerushalmi woman) removed a lot of my guilt feelings very quickly. She said that my disability is not a reason to feel guilty of poor parenting of an ADHD child.

The world today seems to make all women feel that they are inadequate mothers.

We need help and support.

]]> By: Rafi G http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2345 Rafi G Mon, 14 May 2007 10:44:56 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2345 often this is a problem as the tension escalates, the issues increase. The suggestion of finding energizing activities - positive experiences, is probably the most important of them all. often this is a problem as the tension escalates, the issues increase. The suggestion of finding energizing activities – positive experiences, is probably the most important of them all.

]]> By: Ariella. http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2344 Ariella. Fri, 11 May 2007 18:34:29 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2344 What a radical idea! You mean fathers have parenting responsibilities?! Of course, I'm kidding. Great advice in your post. What a radical idea! You mean fathers have parenting responsibilities?! Of course, I’m kidding. Great advice in your post.

]]> By: mominisrael http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2343 mominisrael Fri, 11 May 2007 04:47:06 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2343 Melissa--I appreciate your taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. Perhaps we did let the child down in some way--I think our culture encourages us to "let go" of our children emotionally at way too young an age. I believe that there are many things we can do to keep the connection for longer and that this can prevent or mitigate a lot of problems. Melissa–I appreciate your taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. Perhaps we did let the child down in some way–I think our culture encourages us to “let go” of our children emotionally at way too young an age. I believe that there are many things we can do to keep the connection for longer and that this can prevent or mitigate a lot of problems.

]]> By: melissa http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2342 melissa Fri, 11 May 2007 00:17:20 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2342 i think the reason that mothers feel the most guilt is that we cant accept that something is out of our control when it comes to our kids.. we never anticipate that there will be a problem that we cant fix. A feeling that we arent involved in good or bad. as small children we were still one with that child they had something happen were were the first to know and they openly asked for us to help when they stop this pattern we feel excluded and this makes us feel that we must have let this child down in the past for them to stop the chain of coming to us to make it go away... i think the reason that mothers feel the most guilt is that we cant accept that something is out of our control when it comes to our kids.. we never anticipate that there will be a problem that we cant fix. A feeling that we arent involved in good or bad. as small children we were still one with that child they had something happen were were the first to know and they openly asked for us to help when they stop this pattern we feel excluded and this makes us feel that we must have let this child down in the past for them to stop the chain of coming to us to make it go away…

]]> By: mominisrael http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2341 mominisrael Thu, 10 May 2007 18:09:45 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2341 Ari, thanks for reminding me that I left out non-parents. Guilt has its purpose, but can be taken too far. If guilt is interfering with dealing with the problem or with life in general, outside help is needed. I'm just starting to forgive myself for mistakes I made when my eldest was a baby. True about the community, but my attitude towards my children's transgressions or nonconformity do affect the community on some level. Ari, thanks for reminding me that I left out non-parents.
Guilt has its purpose, but can be taken too far. If guilt is interfering with dealing with the problem or with life in general, outside help is needed. I’m just starting to forgive myself for mistakes I made when my eldest was a baby.
True about the community, but my attitude towards my children’s transgressions or nonconformity do affect the community on some level.

]]> By: Ari Kinsberg http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2340 Ari Kinsberg Thu, 10 May 2007 17:44:37 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2340 "Fathers are welcome to read the blog and comment too!" (Whew!) "Yes, we all make mistakes, big and small, and need to improve, but guilt feelings interfere with our ability to make changes." i guess this is harder when the mistakes are more egregious "embarrassment about the the child's behavior shows our children that we care more about what others think than about them." i'm not sure what problems you are talking about. but as true as it is that parents have to block out the external environment, in some communities worrying about what others think is institutionalized. so overcoming this issue should be a communal goal, not just a personal one. “Fathers are welcome to read the blog and comment too!”
(Whew!)
“Yes, we all make mistakes, big and small, and need to improve, but guilt feelings interfere with our ability to make changes.”
i guess this is harder when the mistakes are more egregious
“embarrassment about the the child’s behavior shows our children that we care more about what others think than about them.”
i’m not sure what problems you are talking about. but as true as it is that parents have to block out the external environment, in some communities worrying about what others think is institutionalized. so overcoming this issue should be a communal goal, not just a personal one.

]]> By: Devra http://www.amotherinisrael.com/2007/05/10/dealing-with-challenging-children/comment-page-1/#comment-2339 Devra Thu, 10 May 2007 11:00:01 +0000 http://amotherinisrael.com/?p=186#comment-2339 You have really done a good job of describing how a guilt-0-meter can be filled up very quickly when parents are overwhelmed and unsure of what course of action will work for their family, or aren't sure about what resources could be available to ease their angst. You have really done a good job of describing how a guilt-0-meter can be filled up very quickly when parents are overwhelmed and unsure of what course of action will work for their family, or aren’t sure about what resources could be available to ease their angst.

]]>