My friend Masha Faygel is putting together her annual Shavuot Tehillimthon. When you register, you can choose the project you want to support and include names of people for the prayer list. See here for more details.
My older sister, a long-time fan of this blog, sent me some suggestions for raising Orthodox girls (but they could apply to anyone) and challenged me to add a few of my own. Hers are marked with an asterisk.
Lily left a comment on a recent post suggesting that “working mothers” and “stay-at-home” mothers often wish they were in the opposite category. I know I occasionally fantasize about picking up a briefcase and closing the door behind me each morning, leaving someone else to deal with the mess and the tantrums. I imagine how much more people would respect me, if I had a prestigious job.
I am leaving my family behind in a few minutes, as I am on my way to a two-day conference. My husband took off from work.
What about you? (I guess this question is mainly for mothers, but all input is welcome.) Do you think about what life would be like had you chosen a different work/home balance? Either now, or in the past?
Haveil Havalim, the Jewish and Israeli Blog Carnival, is up over at Frume Sarah. Check it out.
Read more on Do you wish you belonged to the "other" group?…
We celebrated Lag Baomer on Thursday night. In America, people treat fire with caution.But here, practically every holiday becomes a festival for pyromaniacs. They shoot caps on Purim and burn chametz on every corner erev Pesach. On Chanukah they let kids play with fire at gan parties. And Lag Baomer is the ultimate Israeli holiday for pyromaniacs.
My 6-year-old wanted to have a bonfire too. He called up all of his friends, until he found a boy who didn’t have other plans. He had never shown interest in most of those boys before now. We really lucked out because the boy who invited us lives next door to an empty lot. When we arrived, we found that his father had already set up things up. The boy’s parents are also olim (immigrants) from Dushanbe (points to anyone who knows what country that is in without looking it up) who arrived in Israel around the same time we did. He knows how to build a fire (see above) and was careful about safety. I was able to teach him one thing–when you roast potatoes in a bonfire it’s a good idea to cook them in advance. Otherwise the middle stays raw. Fortunately, we brought the potatoes.
We are not crazy about bonfires, but Lag Baomer is a special day for us because it’s my husband’s birthday. Happy birthday!
Eve Harrow of Israel National Radio interviewed me about the Megeirot story. You can listen by going to the site and clicking on Judean Eve, Hour 2. I’m on during the second half of Hour 2, at 24:40.
It will be up until Wednesday, May 28.
Homemaking is a challenge for many Jewish women. Some people are just disorganized. Some did not have competent mothers, or mothers who ran an observant Jewish home, or mothers at all. Add a few small children and maybe a job, and you have a tremendous challenge.
Flylady has helped many make progress with their housework. But Flylady is American, English-speaking, and most definitely Christian. Megeirot filled the need for a supposedly Jewish approach to housekeeping. The problem is that the Torah doesn’t tell us much about cleaning drawers. So the bulk of Megeirot’s content had to come from non-Jewish sources.
As a reader who completed the first “level” of Megeirot wrote in an email: “I liked the overlay of Jewish, spiritual goals achieved through standard cognitive – behavioral type exercises.” In other words, Megeirot consisted of Jewish concepts tacked on to a particular psychological approach. I have no problem with applying psychology in order to achieve a goal. But it’s not inherently Jewish.
Faith/Emuna wrote about attending Megeirot, where she was advised to ask for help from above when straightening out clutter. The idea of a personal prayer doesn’t disturb me, but saying someone else’s prayer might. Same with prayers said over a closet. I don’t know that religion should be mixed directly into everything.
According to the original article in Makor Rishon (Hebrew), Sylvie trained the instructors to negate the feelings a student expressed about the contents of her drawer. No matter what the student said, the instructor was told to tell her: “Sheker (falsehood), that is a statement of the ordinary sechel (intellect) which is your non-sechel. You don’t have any sechel.” Then the student recited a prayer, intended to redirect the woman’s thoughts. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is a good idea, but telling a woman she has no sechel is not. At any rate, some instructors revised the methods, and even distanced themselves from Sylvie, the founder.
According to Makor Rishon, Rabbi Dov Lior of Kiryat Arba opposed Megeirot from the beginning and warned that it was not based on Jewish teachings. Later he and his wife worked with several women who had been harmed by Megeirot and Sylvie. Other rabbis felt the method had merit, despite the alleged faults of its founder.
We do need prayer, a connection with God, and a sense of higher purpose even when involved in mundane tasks. But we can also achieve spirituality through learning, serving the community, joyful observance of mitzvot, and caring for our families.
Megeirot appears to have helped many women. It probably served as a good support group, whether or not the content was problematic. Anytime people meet frequently with a competent counselor to discuss housekeeping, parenting, marriage, or dieting, they will improve in that area just because they are focusing on it. But when a method involves prayers, and marital and childrearing advice, one must be extremely careful about the person leading the group. Appearing religious and knowledgeable does not qualify someone to give sensitive advice. Even more importantly, a good counselor knows when to refer to a professional. Sylvie may not have taught every group but she was presumably the one instructors turned to for guidance in specific situations. And if the allegations about her are true, that’s scary.
Mazal tov to prolific commenter Abbi on the birth of her son on Friday evening. May you have a lot of nachat. We miss you, but other spirited commenters have stepped in to fill the vacuum.
Haveil Haveilim #166, Mommy Blogger’s Edition, is up at Ima on the Bima. Leora even made a scavenger hunt for it.
Better late than never: HH #165 in honor of Israel’s 60th is still up at Jack’s Shack.
The deadline for the next Kosher Cooking Carnival is soon, so get cooking.
And I haven’t forgotten about the follow-up to Trusting Our Children.
No, our car isn’t fixed yet; they told us that they hope to hear some word about the part tomorrow. It’s been three weeks.
I took my 4yo into town on the bus to run a few errands, and we noticed something new:
Update: More on Megeirot
Takana forum finds against Megeirot.
“Megirot” (lit. drawers) is one of many recent attempts to help religious women attain a higher spiritual level in their lives. The Hebrew newspaper Makor Rishon has an exposé in today’s paper about the method and its founder. Women who have been active for many years and have taught using Megirot’s methods are calling it a cult. The method has many followers in the religious Zionist community in Israel.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned as a mother was about relinquishing control.
“Training” my children to do things before they were developmentally ready wasted time and emotional energy. How I regret those power struggles.
Eventually I realized that there were many things I didn’t need to teach my children. I could trust them to meet certain milestones without incentives, threats, or persuasion. These milestones included:
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