Like so many other things, we decide whether or not to have paid cleaning help based on outside expectations. If everyone in the neighborhood has cleaning help then we need it too, right? There are worse ways to spend one’s money, and doing without can be foolish in some circumstances. But overall, cleaning help falls into the luxury category.
Over the years I have had my share of ozrot (helpers).
[MR's Introductory Paragraph] The investigation of Makor Rishon on the “Megeirot Method” of Sylvia Dehari drew many responses and brought about exposure of additional difficult stories. Rabbis and public figures will decide in the coming days whether Dehari emotionally and sexually exploited her “chasidot.”
Yifat Erlich: The Drawers are Continuing to Open ?????? ?????? ???????
A month and a half ago, this supplement revealed a web of degradation and exploitation that befell several students of Sylvia Dehari, founder of the Megeirot system. Dehari, a widow from Gush Katif, invented a method which, through the help of inspection of drawers and household items, women attained self-empowerment and a renewed understanding of their lives. But according to testimonies that arrived at Makor Rishon, in many cases Dehari succeeded in attaining absolute control of the lives of her students. [MiI: Erlich then reviews the contents of the original article.]
Erlich continues:
This week women who left “Megeirot” met with a special component of members of the forum “Takanah,” which is discussing Dehari and her methods. The forum, headed by Yehudit Shilat, was formed to handle cases of sexual harassment and abuse by influential people in the national religious community, and members include professionals in the field of law, society, and psychology, along with talmidei chachamim [religious scholars] on the highest level. “In the light of the article we received many inquiries from rabbis and women,” says Shilat. “After internal discussion we decided to look into the interpersonal relationships within the Megeirot hierarchy. We called for a preliminary discussion with the participation of members of the forum’s administration, in order for women who left the group and their husbands to tell their stories. The purpose of the discussion was to choose which combination [of forum members] would be appropriate for clarifying the matter.”
“According to the women quoted in the article, it appears to be sexual exploitation. If a man would have done what was described, we would have labeled it sexual harassment long ago. Because the women did not find a suitable framework for dealing with the issue, with authorities accepted by the public, they decided to turn to us. In the meantime we have only heard the voices of those who have left. It’s important for us to hear the other side in order to hold a fair discussion and come to an investigation of the truth.”
Regular participants in the forum include rabbis such as Eitan Eisman, Elyakim Levanon, Avi Gisser, Yuval Cherlow, Baruch Gigi and Yaakov Ariel. In addition Rav Lior from Kirya Arba informed [Takanah] that after the forum passes on its findings and conclusions, he will also add his ruling.
Suicidal Thoughts
A few months have passed since my first conversation with B, who was very close to Sylvie and acted as a kind of spokesperson for Megeirot. Then, she chose to speak in general terms, as she was ensconced in her personal story. In light of the publication of the article B. was interviewed on the radio program “Hakol Diburhim,” and today she is ready to discuss what happened to her. “I began to understand that I am not guilty,” she explains. “I understood that mechanisms were operated on us which we could not fight. Megeirot taught us to distance us from ourselves. We were taught that if someone pinches us, it wasn’t right to shout ‘Ayy,’ but that we need to look at it differently, to recognize that the pinching is in order to advance us.”
The article continues, but that is all I have time for now. Shabbat shalom.
First we have Josh Waxman of Parshablog with My Thoughts on Megirot I and II.
Then there’s the story of dancers forced to cover up for the Jerusalem bridge dedication ceremony. The girls, aged 6 to 13, were told to wear hats and long skirts; see this report for before and after pictures. Some parents respond here. According to this update in the JP, the organizers chose the black ski caps to make a point.
Finally, the army has been giving some teenage girls trouble about an automatic religious exemption. I wonder if any haredi girls have been hassled.
Thanks to Jameel, I was able to watch the new drama “Srugim,” about life among modern Orthodox singles in Jerusalem. It was fun. In one scene at Friday night dinner, the men argue over who should make kiddush until one of the women takes the becher and says it herself. After one of the men makes a comment, she asks him whether it bothered him. He says that it’s good for women to know how to make kiddush in case the husband is in miluim or something. That felt real to me, as did most of the dialogue.
What I didn’t like is that most scenes show people carping at each other or behaving badly. A guy invited by one roommate asks out a second one, who then lies about it, telling the first one that she is sure he is interested in her. When the third roommate meets her “ex” on the street, they trade insults with each other. I’m not asking for sugarcoating, but it wouldn’t hurt to portray the characters as occasionally helpful or supportive. Maybe the series is meant as a cautionary tale, warning viewers what not to do so as not to remain single all their lives. Or perhaps the characters will spend the rest of the season learning how to get along with each other. Okay, if they want a happy ending I’m sure this will happen. But while the show’s scenes could have happened, and probably did in one way or another, it bothered me that viewers might think that this behavior is typical for our community.
This is another guest post of Daughter In Israel, special for the end of the school year. [MiI: You can find the first one here.] If you are a teacher, please do not be offended, but see this post as advice for things you shouldn’t be doing in the coming school year and may be the reason students don’t like you. [ProfK mistakenly thought that I wrote the previous sentence; DiI did.]
So here are most of the reasons I don’t like school:
I believe that there is a reason some blogs attract hostile comments and others don’t. I’m lucky enough to have mostly escaped negative attention, but my postings on Megeirot were an exception. A certain amount of hostility was defensiveness about Megeirot, but my post may have been too credulous of the allegations. In addition, some commenters made possibly unwarranted assumptions about Megeirot and its followers.
A recent reader, Yehuda, was extremely upset by newspaper articles about Megeirot and the subsequent blog discussion. Josh Waxman published Yehuda’s story on his Parsha Blog, where he writes: I {=Josh} do not entirely agree with all the following, but I thought I would do “Yehuda” a favor and give his comment prominence. Bli neder, and if I get the time, I may dissect this next week to explain what parts I agree and disagree with, and why.
Here is an excerpt from Yehuda’s comments:
In my post Trusting Our Children, I wrote about things that children learn on their own. So what do we need to teach them?
I hate to disappoint you, but I don’t have the answers. I can’t, because they will be different for each family. Leora will make sure her children appreciate art and can express anger productively. RivkA’s children have learned about physical fitness and coping with chronic illness. Sephardi Lady will emphasize being satisfied with what one has and sticking to a budget. And that is how it should be. Each of these concepts is important, some are essential, but no parent can give them all equal weight. We emphasize the skills and values that are currently part of our lives, taking into account our children’s temperaments and inclinations. This is a good thing because it makes us a diverse, vibrant society.
I believe that teaching our children involves several elements. The first is expressed in this quote on education by Rav Yehuda Amital: [Hat tip: Hirhurim]
Commenter AR asks:
What have you gotten out of blogging these 2 years? A creative outlet? New friends? Is it the writing you enjoy most? The opportunity to help other people? Anyway I’ve really enjoyed reading. Thanks!
I started blogging after I began reading interesting Jewish bloggers who weren’t making the points I wanted to make. And I felt I had something to contribute, especially a different approach to raising children. I most enjoy reading bloggers within the community who give an outsider’s perspective: Americans living in Israel or Wolfish Musings, whose family became observant when he was a child. For a long time, hardly anyone commented (although the Blogger comments disappeared when I switched to Haloscan; I replaced some of them). But I figured that if I continued to write on interesting topics, people would show up.
I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction when I hit Post. So many times I say to myself, “This post is going to make me famous.” Then I come down to earth when hardly anyone comments (lately that hasn’t been an issue, thanks!). But as long as people are still reading, it’s okay. There’s always another post.
Supporting other mothers and olim is a big part of why I blog. Another thing I love is that unless you are deliberately provocative, blogging attracts readers who generally agree with your outlook. Others go elsewhere.
I didn’t start blogging to make friends, but it may be the reason I continue.
Okay, that’s enough about me and my blog. Tell me about yours.
I began blogging two years ago this month. I attribute my “success” to editing carefully (except when I didn’t), choosing a variety of interesting topics, and my terrific readers and commenters.
Other issues in my life are demanding emotional energy, and I seem to have lost my blogging compulsion. But don’t worry, this post may be a sign that you can look forward to more.
In the meantime, in honor of my blogoversary, I invite you to ask questions in the comments. I may even answer some of them.
(Oh, and regarding the poll: Left foot, left foot, left foot, right is the opening line of “The Foot Book” by Dr. Seuss.)
Baila posted about a new Survival type program for new olim. Unfortunately both of us are slightly past the age requirement. I’m no longer a new olah, but I’m not sure how well I would do in the competition.
I wonder what competitors will need to do to win the grand prize. I suggest having to make an appointment in Hebrew. I remember my first visit to Tipat Chalav (well-baby clinic). In modern Hebrew, days of the week, month, and the months themselves are all expressed as ordinal numbers. So Sunday, June 8, becomes first day, the eighth of the sixth. The secretary rattled off different options: “At rotzah tor beyom revii, hashlishi latshii, oh beyom sheni, ha-esrim vesheini laasiri?”Eventually I asked her to write it down, but this only helped slightly.
You can read here about my visit to the bank to get our government mortgage check.
So what are your suggestions?
Twitter links powered by Tweet This v1.6.1, a WordPress plugin for Twitter.
