Comments on: What Defines Israeli Parenting?

By: Minnesota Mamaleh

Minnesota Mamaleh — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 21:39:31 +0000

fascinating post! as an israeli raising kids in america i’m constantly “weaving” values and standards. i really appreciate all of the thoughts here. thanks for gathering them!

By: claire rabin

claire rabin — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 16:12:10 +0000

I would like to hear from people whose adult children have decided to live abroad while parents stay on here. I myself made ayliah 36 years ago and some of my kids have chosen to be here and some back there. I would like to be in touch with parents either born in israel or not, who are coping with keeping family together at a distance. I also would be very happy if someone out there knows of written material on this topic. thanks
claire

By: Global Voices Online » Israel: Defining Parenting Styles

Global Voices Online » Israel: Defining Parenting Styles — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:09:29 +0000

[...] defines Israeli parenting?” asks A Mother in Israel. Readers provide commentary about their impressions and experiences. [...]

By: mother in israel

mother in israel — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:35:45 +0000

Sarah, many people justify early daycare (as opposed to a nanny) because they claim it will make kids more independent. I don’t think the independence is because of starting gan earlier I think it’s more of a general cultural difference and despite the Jewish mothering thing Israeli children are less supervised. It feels safer and people worry less, for some of the reasons mentioned above.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:22:55 +0000

Perhaps another reason why children are more independent is because both parents work and the children are left without any adult supervision for many hours of the day. In the city municipality daycare there are only 2 adults to manage 36 three year olds. The young children learn very quickly to become independent. Most of the friends I know don’t depend on their extended family, such as grandparents to help watch the children on a daily basis.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:57:36 +0000

Trudy’s comments about Israeli behavior are unfortunately accurate. By American/Canadian lights, there is no culture of politeness here – no customer service – lots of confrontation.

On the other hand, it’s necessary not to care what outsiders might think if Israel is to survive in an anti-Semitic, anti-Israel world.

My Canadian sister almost dies of embarrassment when I respond to confrontation from people on the street(I’ve lived here 33 years. She would much rather that I backed down, answered softly to defuse the situation. She covers her face and shakes her head when I answer back.

My sis comes from a country with secure borders. A country whose citizens don’t experience the daily, hourly personal and national stress that we have. With a larger middle class used to more leisure and more material comfort, consideration and politeness come easier, maybe.

My life experience is different. I’ve sat in buses wondering if I’ll make it to my destination, or if my destiny will be to get blown up by a suicide bomber in the next few minutes. My children have attended funerals of kids their own ages, victims of terror. I look at my precious little grandchildren and pray that peace will come before they reach army age.

If there’s one thing rude Israeli culture has taught me, it’s that it takes assertiveness to survive.

So yes, Israelis are missing an essential element in that which lubricates social relations. It hurts us here and abroad. I’m perfectly willing to own that many of us need to be educated in manners, consideration, trust and trustworthiness.

But that hard, assertive core keeps us alive. No apologies for that.

By: mother in israel

mother in israel — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:42:29 +0000

Hi Trudy,
Thanks for visiting. You do have a point about Israeli parents. I am not sure, though, that the main problem is how the tourists look at Israelis and Jews. As Jew in North America, is that your main concern when disciplining your children or making other choices?

By: Trudy

Trudy — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:28:01 +0000

We spent our sabbatical year in Israel in 07-08. It was a fabulous experience. I agree with most of the observations/comments above. For me, the most striking thing was the bad behaviour of the children AND the adults who had obviously been parented in a similar manner. Don’t get me wrong. My children also misbehave, but the difference is that, when they do, I notice, I care and I act. Many Israeli parents do not notice, care or act. They are raising another generation of rude, spoiled children. I had visited Israel 3 times before our sabbatical year and, of course, I noticed and experienced the rude behaviour of both adults and children. However, over the course of the year, this aspect of Israeli culture REALLY began to wear on me. It was embarrassing, as a Jew, to imagine what non-Jewish tourists thought of “us” as Jews. They are not just seeing rude Israelis, they are seeing rude Jews. Many of the Israelis that I spent time with while in Israel were also embarrassed by the behaviour of their fellow Israelis and their children. The difference, in almost every case, was that the people I spent time with – family and friends – had themselves lived in Canada or the US.

I should state again, because this reads as very negative. We loved our time in Israel and look forward to future vacations there. And to be sure, there are things that Israeli parents probably do a better job of than North American parents.

By: Abbi

Abbi — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:15:14 +0000

Sorry, forgot to mention that my Bubby was also an Auschwitz survivor and my Zayde survived labor camps.

By: Abbi

Abbi — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:14:01 +0000

“That being said, I think it’s a mistake to generalize and say that American Holocaust survivor parents were generally good parents.”

Agree wholeheartedly. My Bubby suffered from severe depression until she died of a stroke. She left a lot to be desired in the parenting department.