How I Do It All (Sometimes)

My friend asked for a few posts on time management. “I don’t understand how you find time to cook, raise children, manage the house and write so much.”

The subject has been on my mind since I was asked to speak on time management at the Kishor Social Media Conference for professional Jewish women, organized by Debra Askanese and Sarah Lipman. For a summary see my guest post, Staying in Control of Social Media, at Debra’s site Community Organizer 2.0.

I’m also going to be on the Afternoon Shmooze talk show on the Rusty Mike Internet Radio station this Thursday, March 4,  at 12:30 PM (5:30 AM EST). I’ll be talking with host Nettie Feldman on how to manage your time and get more things done. To listen, go to www.rustymikeradio.com and click on the “Listen Live” button. Podcasts available after the show: http://bit.ly/13R2Lx.

My productivity goes in cycles. For days or weeks everything seems under control, then one or more compartments of my life seems to fall apart. Here are some things that help me stay cheerful and productive:

1. Get enough sleep. For me, this is key. When I go to sleep when I’m tired I’m in a better mood and get more done.
2. Limit outside commitments. I’ve recently had to make a few of out-of-town trips. While stimulating (like Kishor!), too much time away from home throws me off schedule.
3. Eat well. If I eat too much processed or high-fat food, it affects my sleep, mood and productivity. I don’t know whether I ignored this when I was younger, or it just affects me more now.
4. Vary activities. Sitting longer at the computer doesn’t mean I’ll write more. I like to alternate physical chores with mental ones, which is why I often write a lot of blog posts before Pesach. I also need to get outside, walk, volunteer, and socialize (in real life, not social media).
5. Make a hand-written to-do list. Even when I don’t consult the list, I find it a few days later and everything has been completed. It’s magical.
6. Get a buddy. I have a supportive friend with a roughly similar schedule and goals. We talk for a few minutes each morning to solidify plans.
7. Use the Pomodoro Technique. A pomodoro is a 25-minute block of uninterrupted time where you combine smaller tasks into one pomodoro, and break large tasks down into a few. Switching back and forth between tasks ruins my focus.
8. The weather. You’d think I’d be used to the heat by now, but I accomplish more in mild weather. While I can’t control the weather, I can lower my expectations during the worst of it. This applies to anything out of our control, including sick children, broken appliances, or a cranky baby.

What helps make you more productive?

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Girls’ Team to Forfeit Tournament Game Held on Fast Day

Despite having only seven players, the Northwest Yeshiva High School girls’ basketball team is in the Washington state tournament for the first time. But one of the games is scheduled for the fast of Esther tomorrow. If the yeshiva team ends up playing, they’ve decided to forfeit.

The school has asked the Washington Interscholatic Activities Authority, offering to partner with them financially, to allow the girls to play in the evening, even if they have to travel to the opponent’s venue.

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The Rabbi Moti Elon Scandal: What Can We Learn?

The religious-Zionist community is still in shock about Rabbi Moti Elon, the yeshiva head accused of molesting young men who approached him for advice. In synagogue yesterday morning, our rabbi drew some conclusions about how we could prevent similar incidents in the future.

1. According to sociologist Max Weber there are three types of authority: traditional, legal-rational, and charismatic. Charismatic authority is the most powerful, yet the most unreliable and dangerous. Both children and adults need to think critically and even a bit cynically, to prevent being misled by a charismatic leader. No one, no matter how talented, spiritual and sincere, is perfect.
   AddeRabbi has an excellent post on charismatic rabbis and teachers.
2. The input of women is critical for discussions about complex issues within our community. Women are members of the Takana forum to prevent harassment and abuse by leaders in the religious-Zionist community.
3. Young people with questions about sexual identity are at risk for emotional problems and suicide, particularly in a religious community. The young men who accused R. Elon had asked for counseling on this issue. But homosexual tendencies  should be handled within the family, with professional advice and support. One of the congregants mentioned that R. Elon had often spoken out strongly against homosexuality. Ironically, his actions may now give Orthodox homosexuals “permission” to come out.
4. All institutions should publish written rules meant to prevent harassment and abuse, including keeping a door open when a teacher meets with a student, and prohibiting physical contact. He said that in order to correct a serious problem, it’s often necessary to go to the opposite extreme.

A note on the last point: The problem with rules is that charismatic leaders have a way of convincing people that rules don’t apply to them. Guidelines need to be publicized widely and universally enforced.

Afterward I approached the rabbi to ask about Takana’s delay in publicizing the events. He explained that when the Takana forum received the first complaints, it worried about libel. The complainants insisted on secrecy to protect R. Elon, whom they continued to admire.

By forcing him to resign from all official positions, the Takana forum minimized R. Elon’s power and influence and no new incidents came to light. About a year ago, R. Elon broke the signed agreement and began seeing people individually (this contradicts Takana’s statement: see below). Our rabbi is not sure whether the initial secrecy was the correct approach.

Update: According to Takana’s own statement, there were reports all along that he was holding private meetings. Yet no action was taken for three years. The statement does not mention new complaints from that period. Lurker’s translation and emphasis:  “R. Elon did not abide by the restrictions that were placed upon him, and in particular, in the realm of personal relationships. The disclosure [to the public] came only after, throughout the years, R. Elon was warned multiple times that if he does not act within the framework of the restrictions that were placed on him, we would be forced to publicize the matter.”

Takana’s existence, and taking on this challenging case—its first one—are a step in the right direction. In the past complaints of abuse and harassment were ignored or denied.  I still believe that the events should have been publicized earlier to empower victims who had not yet come forward and prevent future incidents. Admiration for Rabbi Elon and concern for his family (who, of course, were also victims) took precedence over the need for the public to know.

We as a community are not yet dealing effectively with issues of harassment and abuse.

Previous post:  R. Moti Elon and Takana: Where Was the Mercy for the Victims?

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Takanah and Elon: Where Was Pity for Victims?

In recent days prominent rabbi Mordechai (Moti) Elon, founder of the religious Zionist outreach organization  Mibereshit, has been accused of sexual harassment of young men in counseling situations. The religious Zionist forum Takanah (mentioned in the case of the founder of Megeirot) learned of the allegations several years ago. In its statement, the first anyone heard of the story, Takanah reports on a deal with the rabbi to leave Jerusalem for the smaller, more isolated northern town of Migdal. Elon also agreed to stop counseling.

Lurker explains why covering up harassment and molestation is a bad thing. Takanah was formed to protect the past and future victims of sexual abuse and harassment. Instead they protected the powerful rabbi. As Lurker writes:

By engaging in this sort of “not in my backyard” cover-up, the members of Takana showed that they have learned nothing whatsoever from the many similar cases of rabbinic sexual abuse that have preceeded this one. Habitual sexual predators always repeat their pathological behavior. The people who bear the brunt of the responsibility for Elon’s victims over the last four years are the committee members themselves.

Not at all surprsingly, other victims are now starting to come out with their stories:

New harassment claims against Rabbi Elon

As someone who closely followed the Baruch Lanner scandal for two decades, I find this entire scandal nauseatingly familiar:

• The shameful cover-up to protect the sexual predator and the community.
• The inevitable recidivism of the predator.
• The publication of the facts only after the cancer has metastasized into something too outrageous to ignore.
• The victims who finally find the courage to speak up only after (and because) the scandal has become public knowledge.
• The cruel demonization of the predator’s hapless victims.
• The crowds of blind groupies living in group denial, ready to defend the predator regardless of the facts or the cost for future victims.

It’s the same story every single time — Lanner, Kolko, Weinberg, Gafni, et al. — and now Elon.

The members of Takana thought that if they tried to handle the problem “quietly”, then it would just “go away”. This, in spite of the fact that this irresponsible approach has never worked, and has proven itself a tragic failure repeatedly. The end is always the same. The Takana members bear no less guilt than Elon himself.

It’s like reliving the same awful horror movie over and over again.

Muqata also linked to a (Hebrew) transcript of a talk by Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein. Unfortunately, R. Lichtenstein has to defend Takanah against complaints by Elon’s defenders. Yet Takana was right to publicize the story, only it took too long. In the transcript R. Lichtenstein seems proud of how Takana kept the story secret for four years despite the best efforts of reporters:

We wanted to ensure privacy because of human dignity and the principle of secrecy, not a concept invented by “Takana” but an element of basic human respect. In another place [MiI: I'm not sure what is meant here], there aren’t reporters right under your nose searching for information. And yet, we managed to keep the secret for four years! And people are wondering how it was possible? A man in the street, the press knew nothing.

Keeping secrets is not a good thing when it protects molesters.

I found this passage especially disturbing:  (my translation and emphasis):

There was a story involving two incidents and we debated and debated, and the whole time, we were hoping it would straighten out. After the first stories and a “shmitah” passed [MiI: a sabbatical year (7) since the first incident occurred—it was reported to R. Lichtenstein 5-6 years ago.], we hoped that the man accepted responsibility, and surely now he is interested in overcoming these tendencies and understands that it affects his situation and standing.

At that stage we took a soft approach in terms of the steps we wished to take so that the phenomenon would not spread and so that there would be a touch [Heb: nima] of sanctions, and pass on the message, “and your camp should be holy.” We hoped so much. Who wants to get dirty with such a thing? Who would be interested (in announcing it)? Mercy for a man on a personal level. Imagine how much one must pity a man that should not be pitied. All this time, we hoped.

I understand this mercy for their colleague. But where was the mercy for the victims? All these years the victims suffered in secret, thinking they were the only ones. They probably thought they had imagined it, or blown it out of proportion. The silence of Takana led to the abuse of new victims.

Think what pain could have been averted if Takana had warned the public three years ago. Elon’s reputation should have been the least of Takana’s concerns.

My husband pointed out that Takana was still a young organization, not yet mature enough to take on a powerful and influential figure like Elon.

I hope that next time, it will be.

Update: Police: Evidence Supports Abuse Trial for Elon

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/whatmegsaid/ / CC BY 2.0

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Pesach, Prayer Books and More: Interesting Posts #3

Pesach is just around the corner and a reader asks for suggestions on how much matzah to order. We get around 1 kg (2 lbs) per person. Organized readers, please share your experience.

West Bank Mama asks for pro-Israel posts:

Gil Troy has written a blog post which appears on the Jerusalem Post, on how we should push back against anti-Israel propaganda. It seems that March 1st-7th will be a time for a wave of anti-Israel activities on campuses in North America. He argues, rightly, that we should be planning ahead instead of reacting after the fact.

Israel Peace Week is one effort in the right direction.

When three small children from her block end up in the hospital with respiratory problems,  Penniless Parenting wonders about the effects of pollution from a nearby factory.

We all know how hard it can be to keep up in shul when you are unfamiliar with the prayers. But have you ever done anything about it? Makor Rishon reported on a class action suit being waged against prayerbook publishers Artscroll, Yediot, Shai LaMora, Eshkol and Miller. Their siddurim claim to contain all of the prayers in order, when in fact worshippers must ruin their concentration by flipping back and forth “as if the siddur or machzor is a type of adventure story with page references or a navigation exercise.”

Shomer Shekalim explains how to choose a keren hishtalmut (mutual fund with employer contributions).

Haveil Havalim, the Jewish-Israeli blog carnival, is up at Batya’s.

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