RaggedyMom showed me this CNN story about developing children’s social maturity. In a fourteen-year study, the preschool children of mothers who described a picture using emotional language showed more empathy and better social skills when they got older.
It is important to encourage children to think about others’ feelings from a young age. However, I was dismayed by the first line of the article:
Mothers often get blamed for the way their children turn out, and a new study gives additional weight to that accusation.
Let’s stop blaming mothers, who make mistakes like everyone else. Most of the time they are acting in a way prescribed by our culture, which, the last I heard, is comprised of both sexes. Could you imagine a newspaper using similar language to introduce a study about some unknown benefit of breastfeeding?
Mothers looking to build up career skills while taking a break from the work force might enjoy this post by Trent at The Simple Dollar, listing six neglected skills that can be transferred to practically any job.
Tom Hodgkinson writes about the reaction to his article, The Idle Parent, and gives ideas of ways parents can disconnect from the outside world and connect with the family. Shabbat is mentioned.
Finally, Miriam Adahan shares techniques for dealing with children’s anger on Chabad.org.
Last night, after a noisy reading in our synagogue (but with only a few caps), I asked my daughter if she wanted to come to the women’s reading of Megillat (Scroll of) Esther this morning. She didn’t say no right away, which is almost a yes for a teen, so we went. I don’t believe I’ve ever been to a women’s reading before.
There were about 25 people there, half of them teenagers. Considering Petach Tikva’s 300 Orthodox synagogues, I would have expected a larger crowd. Possibly there were other women’s readings elsewhere. The three readers, including one teen, had prepared well.
The woman in charge wore a fake fur hat. I remember having one like it about ten years ago, when fur patterns were in style. One evening after I put mine on my little daughter (now the teen) asked me where I was going. “To a party,” I told her. “Oh,” she said. “Do you have to dress up like a puppy?”
This prompted me to give away the hat. I should have saved it for Purim.
Now we’re busy delivering Emunah packages, cooking, and reducing, reusing and recycling the mishloach manot.
Purim humor from around the web:
The secular newspapers like to report on the weekly talks of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, the leading rabbinic arbiter of the Sephardi/Mizrachi community in Israel. Occasionally he says outrageous things, but this time he made a ruling likely to please a more liberal readership.
On the upcoming holiday of Purim both men and women are required by Jewish law to hear the entire reading of the biblical book of Esther, known as a Megillah (scroll) twice– once in the evening and once the next morning. It is almost always read by a man in the synagogue. But since most rabbinic authorities agree that women can fulfill their obligation by hearing a woman read, it’s common for communities to hold all-women readings. Some girls learn it as part of their bat mitzvah celebrations.
Haaretz reports that Rabbi Yosef went further, ruling that not only can men listen to a women reading, which is surprising in itself, but that they fulfill their religious obligation by hearing a woman chant. Rabbi Yosef explained that he does not consider everyday speaking or chanting from a scroll to fall under the prohibition of “kol isha,” which only relates to a man hearing a woman singing. He doesn’t recommend a woman reading as the ideal, but in a small settlement with no man qualified to chant “kemo ben adam,” like a human being, a qualified woman is preferred. Chanting the ten-chapter megillah from a scroll containing no vocallization, punctuation, or cantillation symbols requires many hours of preparation, and I can attest that the congregation suffers from a poor reading.
The report added that Rabbi Yosef also permits the use of megilloth written by female scribes.
This ruling is sure to make waves in the Orthodox community in Israel and elsewhere.
A video of Rabbi Ovadia’s talk can be found here. Rafi listened, and confirmed Haaretz’s report. He shares his thoughts here.
See below for background information and glossary.
Commenter Abbi sent me her response to a discussion about prayer for girls in a
mixed school. Should girls pray in the minyan alongside the boys, or as a separate group? What should be our goals for educating girls about tefilla and minyan, given that most grown Orthodox women will not attend a minyan, especially during the early childbearing years?
Abbi Adest wrote:
The following was in response to a query on the Lookjed Jewish educators list that asked how to help middle school girls who were having trouble with tefilla. The response included the following quote:
“A majority of our girls do not daven in women’s only tefilla groups, nor are most of them likely to do so. Thus, it is important to teach them to have a meaningful tefilla in the context of a minyan.”
[Abbi continues] You say that your quandary is that tefilla is simply harder for girls. Then you make two assumptions: that the majority of your girls don’t daven in women’s tefilla groups nor are they likely to do so in the future. Have you asked the girls why tefilla is hard for them and whether they would be interested in davening in a girls’ tefilla group occasionally? Sometimes a heart-to-heart with students will elucidate many of the issues.
Second, let’s be honest about grown-up Orthodox women and tefilla: If and when they grow up to be such women, b’ezrat Hashem (God willing) and if and when they are married with small children, just making it to shul on Shabbat for kedusha or even the last bits of musaf will be a huge triumph. For many (certainly not all) a few mumbled brachot in the morning is all that can be managed. So, the connection between Orthodox women and minyan is tenuous at best. But why should those future circumstances have any bearing on their tefilla experience now, when they aren’t encumbered by family and/or work responsibilities?
I think the biggest problem is that you are approaching girls’ tefilla as a corollary to boys’ tefilla. Boys are practicing to become active participants in adult tefilla, which makes sense. Girls are practicing to–what? Practicing to get 3 kids out of the house for shul Shabbat morning would be an interesting challenge, but not really appropriate for middle school girls.
I think the goal of tefilla for girls in middle and high schools should be to develop their own personal spirituality and relationship with tefilla and Hashem, and part of that is feeling involved and invested in some kind of group tefilla. If you already have a group leaving to study the deeper meaning of tefilla a few times a week, I’m not sure why it would be a problem to have a girls’ tefilla group leaving once or twice a week. Having it on Rosh Chodesh would make the day and the tefilla experience even more special, in addition to emphasizing the connection between women and Rosh Chodesh.
Finally, it’s essential for girls to have a female spiritual role model, within the context of tefilla, to provide them with a dugma ishit (personal example) of how to balance the challenges and responsibilities of being an Orthodox woman. From my memories of growing up in day school, tefilla was the sole domain of rabbis. You might want to involve female staff, if that’s not already the case.
The idea is help them strengthen and develop their spiritual selves for when they are faced with the responsibilities of the grownup world, and for when they can’t make it to minyan because of child-raising responsibilities.
I’d also like to point out that girls who study in single-sex schools like Bais Yakov never daven with a minyan, (and actually daven (pray) in de facto girls’ tefilla groups, when you think about it) and they seem to have no problem davening with a minyan when appropriate. [MiI: i.e. they are able to follow the expanded service.]
Background and Glossary:
According to Jewish law, men are required to pray three times a day with a minyan (quorum) of ten men. Women are obligated in prayer, but exempt from the public requirement.
Tefilla: Prayer.
Minyan: Quorum of ten men, required for certain public prayers.
Shul: Synagogue.
Kedusha, Musaf, Brachot: Examples of Jewish prayers.
Rosh Chodesh: The first day of the Jewish, lunar month.
Daven (Yiddish): Pray
Hashem: God.
Women’s tefilla group: A group of ten women praying together that may add some, but not all, additional prayers that are recited when men gather for a minyan. In the discussion above, it is presented as a compromise between having girls or women pray individually, or having a secondary role in a minyan of men. However, there are a limited number of such groups around the world. My town has 300 Orthodox synagogues and no women’s prayer group, except on some Jewish holidays.
Please let me know if you found this glossary/background information helpful.
For women who grew up in an Orthodox background, what was most helpful (or not) in shaping a positive attitude toward prayer?
Photo Credit: Brett Wagner
“Autumn” left the following comment on the “Burka Wedding” post, in response to a comment by Ora:
Ora wrote:
“I think there’s a big problem with covering the face. It’s dehumanizing. I don’t know what research, if any, has been done on the subject, but I would think that not seeing a someone’s face would make it easier to beat or otherwise abuse them.”
Autumn:
I agree with this, also it allows those with covered face to get away with rude behavior as well. I live in a Gulf Arab Country and a lot of women choose to cover their face with either a niqab (which can also be called a burqa – or ninja style as others like to call it) or a full veil. I have noticed that many (but of course not all) of these women are some of the rudest when it comes to things like waiting politely in line for something, they push in front of others etc. I am guessing that this is because of the anonymity that having their face lends them – they can’t be held accountable as a person for their actions. They can do something rude to someone, and if they seem them the next day, can walk by them without even being recognized and therefore held to account for their actions. Anyway, this is just my observation and these are women who probably did not choose the veil, it just is the norm for their families. So this is a danger to watch out for if it becomes the norm for certain communities – that it creates a detachment of a person from their own actions. Kind of like if one is invisible.
I think that people who choose to impose this on themselves (don’t grow up with it as a norm) have a whole other set of problems.
One thing that struck me from the interviews with these women was how one of them talked about how she feels like a princess when she goes out completely covered. This is identical to how converts (or “reverts” as they like to call themselves) to Islam who embrace the niqab or the full face veil speak about how they feel. There is one convert who who talks about how she wishes she could live in Saudi Arabia so she could be completely separated from men, (have separate elevators, etc.) she also refrains from speaking to men. She feels she is more respected by men, etc., and she feels good that her friend’s husband will not try to speak to her because of the way she dresses but will talk to her other friends who only wear the normal hijab (headscarf). This woman will not allow men to comment on her blog because she feels that even communicating with them that way (though they can’t see her or even hear her voice) is wrong. Another interesting thing that I noted about these converts is that most of them have had some traumatic experience or suffered from abuse – often sexual in nature – (which is known to result in a hate of one’s self or one’s own body.) I think there are always some sort of psychological issues when people choose / embrace extreme restrictions to the point of hampering their own ability to function. Not being able to see clearly, or not being able to talk to people including one’s own family, encumbering oneself with too many articles of clothing can all be quite problematic.
By the way I am not Jewish, but I found this article and discussion very interesting and I hope you don’t mind me commenting..
You also might be interested to know that I came across your blog because one of the muslim women’s blogs posted a link to it – not this article but the one about the Jewish soldiers helping the Palestinian smugglers..
Autumn | 01.07.09 – 12:39 pm | #
Autumn, thank you for your thought-provoking comments. I didn’t realize that a Muslim blog had linked here–it didn’t show up in my statistics.
Yesterday I did three things that I almost never do: Drive to Jerusalem, take my teenage daughter alone on an outing, and watch a movie from beginning to end. But this was a special occasion–we went to see “A Light for Greytowers” produced by Robin Garbose.
The Israeli screenings received extra publicity because the actresses and singers are Orthodox Jewish women, who will not allow the film to be screened to mixed audiences. The Jerusalem Jewish Film Festival accepted the film on its artistic merit but later retracted the invitation, deciding that women-only screenings were discriminatory.
Garbose’s response appeared in Haaretz:
“Greytowers” is a genuine work of art from a community that has not until now had a cinematic voice; it represents the voice of religious Jewish women who choose to live their lives according to the Jewish laws of modesty and who, consequently, do not sing or dance in front of men. I had hoped to use the festival’s forum as an opportunity to engage in a dialogue about these religious practices, as per the festival’s stated mission “to explore the many and varied issues surrounding the question of Jewish identity, history, culture and religious practice.”
Film festivals are touted as hotbeds of artistic idealism, where filmmakers are encouraged to push the envelope thematically, technically and philosophically. Is “pushing the envelope” only to be applauded when the film involves graphic promiscuity or profanity? Needless to say, I was profoundly disappointed by the festival’s inability to find a place for us within its purported framework of “diversity.”
At the screening, Garbose said that attorney Aviad Hacohen protested on Garbose’s behalf that the Festival’s decision was a form of religious discrimination. At any rate, the Jerusalem Festival only screens films making an Israeli debut there so there won’t be another chance.
It was a relief to watch a fast-moving film with professional looking settings and camera work. The last movie I saw that out of the religious community was slow, dull and self-important. From the first song, I was impressed with the level of production and musical arrangements in “Greytowers.” I especially enjoyed the singing performances of Esther Perel Marks and Bracha Goldschen(Proper Nutrition), Chanie Kravitz (Anya’s Lullaby Overture), and Barbara Heller (Life of the Wife of a Sea Captain).
The fictional story takes place in an orphanage in Victorian England run by a cruel matron (similar to “Oliver Twist”). When Miriam arrives after the death of her mother, she inspires the other girls through her Jewish values and courage, teaching them that, “Everything that happens is for the good.”At times the Jewish angle seems completely implausible, but it works in the end.
Clichéd and ungrammatical song lyrics detract from the wonderful music– phrases like “Remove the tears from on your eyes,” and “Don’t noisy be” grated. The film is set in Victorian England, and the accents were done well, but I wonder whether the American sweetness and pat ending would play well to a Hebrew-speaking audience.
My daughter loved it, and we bought the DVD soundtrack containing the label “For Women Only.”
I envy the Los Angeles Orthodox community its tremendous talent, and look forward to seeing the next film.
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