Kinder eggs, made of good quality chocolate with a toy in the middle, used to be popular in Israel. This year the kids received a chocolate-flavored knock-off called “TOY” in their shul candy bags. Made in Turkey, it’s imported by a company in Bnei Brak.
As my family grew from a small to a large one with six children, I developed efficient ways to save money. Some items that were small expenses with two small children became bigger as the family grew.
Read more on Frugal Strategies for Young Families that Pay Off as Your Children Grow…
My post on Green Prophet yesterday turned out different than expected:
Why Baby’s First Gift Shouldn’t Be Formula from the Hospital
By Hannah Katsman
Soft drinks. Fast foods. Cigarettes.
Companies that market these products are well-known for targeting children and teens in order to develop “brand loyalty.”
But the campaign to capture the taste buds of future consumers begins even earlier–in the hospital nursery, where formula companies use aggressive methods to ensure that babies’ first taste of artificial milk comes early and bears the name of their company.
They know that parents are most likely to continue feeding the brand served to babies in the hospital.
What’s the problem with formula, and why is this a “green” issue?
Ironically, early introduction of formula and a diet of “junk” food are both implicated in increasing the incidence of diseases such as diabetes and obesity.
Formula companies insist that they do not want to undermine breastfeeding–they merely want to compete for their share of the formula market for women who cannot or choose not to breastfeed. Sound familiar?
Cigarette companies have long claimed that they do not encourage smoking and only want current smokers to switch brands. Most governments reject this claim and severely restrict the way tobacco companies market their products.
Breastfeeding is an easy target. It’s free, already under attack, earns little profit for anyone and therefore has virtually no corporate funds backing it. But just one bottle of formula compromises a baby’s immune system and increases the risk of illness in the short and long term.
A bottle of formula implies that formula is endorsed by the hospital, and worse, sends the not-so-subtle message that the mother’s own milk is not good or plentiful enough. And just like it only takes a few cigarettes to become addicted, early introduction of formula can lower milk supply and is associated with early weaning.
Israel and the WHO Code
The World Health Organization (WHO) recognized the deleterious effects of formula marketing on the health of babies and mothers and developed the WHO Code of Marketing Breastmilk Substitutes in 1974. The aim of the Code is to
Read more on Why Formula Marketing in Israeli Hospitals is Bad for Babies…
People expect to pray peacefully on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. But the shul is overfull and there are distractions. Especially children.
The acceptable level of noise and activity varies according to the community and physical facilities. But one person’s kavanah (concentration during prayer) should not come at the expense of others’. Just because a mother can tune out her children during davening doesn’t mean everyone can.
On Yom Kippur, I mentioned to a friend that her two-year-old had pushed down a child in the aisle. The other child went to his mother to be picked up, without crying, so my friend hadn’t noticed. This happens. But if parents can’t keep an eye on children who wander, the children may be better off at home.
Reports from other communities:
New immigrant Rachel is undergoing culture shock on behalf of her children.
A friend once told me that I do my children a grave disservice by delaying their attendance in gan until they are 3, 4 or 5. She claimed that they need the gan experience in order to develop that tough exterior so useful in Israeli society. I don’t know if she’s right or not, but every action involves a tradeoff. If you only associate with American families, they will not learn Hebrew as quickly nor the ins and outs of Israeli society. And Israeli culture has positive values such as love of the land, close extended families, and less materialism. Even “protektzia” is positive when you are the beneficiary.
Rachel raises three specific issues.
In response to my recent post about neglectful parents, Rachel writes:
I just moved to Israel and I’m shocked that what I consider neglect and benign abuse is considered normal. And not doing it puts you in the category of “freier” [sucker] (which I consider a compliment because it is the type of behavior I want). So my question is how to raise a family when all the values that you consider important go against the norm? I want my children to have better supervision. I want them to eat healthy and not eat Bisli all day long. I want them to have manners, respect people, not cut through lines, etc.
It is easy to say to simply do it at home and they will imitate you, but kids spend so many hours in school and with friends. The environment has a huge influence on kids and as much as you want them to have your values it seems that you are the minority in this country.
So, my question again, how do you raise kids to have your values and not society’s values?
Rachel, before I let my readers reply in the comments section, I suggest printing out your question and looking at it again in another ten years.
Reading the ingredients on purchased food spoils my appetite. Even canned tomato paste now contains fructose, making it taste like catsup. (Luckily I can still find the “pure” variety.) And I don’t like to think about what’s in food from restaurants, bakeries, and caterers. When I see borekas I just think “transfat.”
My mother always used to bake for Purim. We gave mishlochei manot* (MM) to a moderate number of people, most of whom didn’t observe the mitzvah themselves. We baked chocolate swirl cookies, and hamantashen, and thumbkins. We added some dried nuts and fruit on a plate, put the whole thing in a plastic bag, and voila! The recipes came from the Betty Crocker Cooky Book. I used to love to look through the book at the pictures of the painted cookies and the gingerbread house, which including detailed instructions. I have it still; every so often my husband asks why I haven’t thrown it out because it’s falling apart. (I wouldn’t dream of it.) Most of the recipes call for margarine or shortening, which I stopped using (except for frosting on birthday cakes) a few years ago. My mother, on the other hand, went through tubs of Crisco fairly regularly. Who knew then that Crisco was so bad for you?
Here’s an oil-based recipe for hamantashen dough.
When I made aliyah, I was surprised at the contents of the typical MM package. They consisted of assorted mini-chocolate bars, candies, and miniature bottles of wine. Only occasionally a homemade hamantash or brownie found its way in. An article by Kobi Arieli in the Paamonim newsletter lamented this development; he remembers the days when chickpeas and a bottle of malt beer were standard. Arieli also pointed out how elaborate the packaging has become, and how the purpose of MM has shifted from celebrating friendship and observing the mitzvah to impressing your neighbor. And an even more important goal has become receiving equally impressive packages. Naturally you also have to make sure that the MM you send is on the same level as the one you received last year. Arieli notes that other type of gifts also serve the same function. Instead of tokens of generosity, they have become some kind of social marker. Any gift worth less than what is expected is perceived as a social gaffe at best, an insult at worst.
Here’s what happens in our house. Almost all of our friends send us MM through Emunah women. We each get one package with a list of names of the people who sent to us. I help organize the project; we end up arguing about what to put in the package and how much to spend, but we eventually work it out. Our family also delivers about ten of these identical packages on Purim (out of about 300). Emunah takes the profit, which goes to their children’s homes. This leaves me with very few MM obligations; I send to a few neighbors and try to include people who wouldn’t ordinarily receive. I do cook and bake some but I get so little feedback afterward, even when I put in a lot of effort. It seems that most people get way too much stuff even to remember who sent what.
Most of the MM activity in our house revolves around the children, who are allowed to send two MM to each friend. Being that everything is store-bought and virtually identical, our mantra around here is recycle, recycle, recycle. No matter how little I start with, at the end of the day I am left with a huge pile of junk, plates and containers, and cellophane. I pick out the really good candy (for me), wine, fruit, and nuts, separate out the real junk (which goes to my husband’s office), and let the kids split up the rest. Really, everyone should just buy a bag of mini-chocolate bars and some wine to consume themselves instead of spending all that time packing, writing notes and shlepping the MM around the neighborhood. Arieli makes a different suggestion: Buy strips of colored paper, put them in a large pile in a bag to make the most impressive effect, and send them to as many people as you want. They will make people feel important, the true purpose of MM today.
The whole thing has become such a waste of money and material in the Orthodox community. Everyone sends to people who don’t need it and don’t want it. Many organizations now sell certificates that you can give to your neighbors instead of MM–that’s one solution, but even though it’s tzedakah it still obligates the recipient to reciprocate. I don’t need anyone to give tzedakah on my behalf while I’m still alive.
The MMs that I appreciated most were in thanks for doing someone a favor, such as giving a regular ride or hosting potential olim for Shabbat. Whereas in normal circumstances I wouldn’t want a gift for this type of chessed (kindness), this type of MM allows the giver to express appreciation through the mitzvah of MM, without obligating me in the same way; I would be defeating the purpose by sending a package back. I’m not talking about someone I cooked for when she had a baby, rather people who wouldn’t be able to return the favor at a later date.
Our community should be taking the money it spends on MM and giving it to tzedakah, either directly or through Purim cards and MM projects. The mitzvah of mishloach manot should be fulfilled either to thank those who did us a great kindness in the previous year (not teachers, who as part of the community receive huge amounts of MM anyway), or given to our nonobservant neighbors and others who might not be remembered (elderly, converts, singles, new olim). They also might appreciate the extra effort you choose to put into your package. And let’s not forget to extend an invitation to hear the megillah** and to join us at our Purim seudot.***
* Purim packages
**Book of Esther read joyfully in the synagogue
***festive meals on Purim day
In the park today, I was discussing the sleep habits of a particular todder with his caretaker. One of the other babysitters said that toddlers gradually move from a morning to an afternoon nap. I pointed out that my daughter, age two and a half, still sleeps in the morning. The babysitter replied, “That’s because she’s not in a misgeret.”
Misgeret is a frame, or in this case framework–in other words childcare or gan (preschool). I pointed out that she slept when she was naturally tired and her sleep habits weren’t dependent on other people’s schedules. The babysitter said it depends on your perspective.
Here are some “truths” known to all Israelis about children.
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