This post is dedicated to the memory of "Ricki", a teenager with Down Syndrome who died in her sleep this week. Blogger RickisMom wrote about the challenges she and Ricki faced bravely in her blog Beneath the Wings, which served as a resource for moms of teens with disabilities. May the family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Reader pseudo1 sent me this article about parental silence in the face of difficulties with teens. The author, Sarah Buttenweiser, points out that parents who write online about challenges with babies or preschoolers get plenty of support. But as kids enter adolescence and the problems become serious, privacy issues come into play. Online … [Read more...]
"Half-Shabbos" and Texting: What Is the Parent’s Role?
June 24, 2011 by 28 Comments
The New York Jewish Week wrote about the phenomenon known as "Half-Shabbos," in which teens who are otherwise Sabbath observant use their cell phones to text their friends. When I asked my kids if this is common in Israel, they said that they had first heard about it from me! They haven't seen it here so far. <br clear="all" /> According to the article: Texting on Shabbat —œis probably more prominent [in the Modern Orthodox community], but it is by no means exclusively there,— Rabbi Goldmintz wrote. —œSomeone once suggested that it all got started when observant kids signed on after Shabbat and realized how much their non-observant friends had been communicating … [Read more...]
When Do You Get Your Kids Cell Phones?
March 16, 2011 by 41 Comments
I once heard an expert on the radio talking about kids and cell phones. She was concerned that children as young as gan (preschool/kindergarten) brought cell phones to school. At the end of the discussion, the host asked whether the expert's own children had cell phones. "Yes," she replied. "But my kids are big already—nine and eleven." There are two ways to look at cell phones. Some argue that cell phones give kids more independence. When we can contact them by phone at all times, we feel more comfortable letting them go further distances. They can call us if they get into trouble. Most important for us, we can always always reach them—at least in theory. But … [Read more...]
Video: Tuned-Out by Technology
January 31, 2011 by 7 Comments
Call over your teens and pre-teens to watch this excellent video about Facebook and a "tuned-out" family. Even if you have limited Hebrew, you'll understand 90%. The scenes at the dinner table and at the end are especially good. It's produced by girls from the Lehave religious high school in Kedumim. My teen daughter saw it in school. They're teaching kids a lot about Facebook in school. When my seven-year-old daughter saw me on Facebook recently, she warned me about cyber-bullying and identity theft. The title, Kevalim Moderniim, means modern cables. In Hebrew, the word cables suggests being tied up in ropes. Of course, as soon as I watched it I shared it on … [Read more...]
How Teens (and Parents) Are Like a River
December 7, 2010 by 8 Comments
I recently came across Haim Ginott's classic, Between Parent and Teenager. Published in 1969, his examples often relate to hippie teens and "square" parents but the principles remain the same. In his chapter on criticism, Ginott explains the long-term damage parents can cause by assigning negative traits to children like laziness or stupidity. Those voices can stay with you for a long time. He also advises against recalling past faults ("You always lose things") or "futurizing" ("You'll never keep a job if you can't even remember to take out the trash.") Here's how he sums up dealing with teenagers who don't behave as we like: Don't attack personality traits. Don't criticize character … [Read more...]
Orthodox Girls and Eating Disorders
May 28, 2010 by 18 Comments
The Washington Times published an article on eating disorders in the Orthodox Jewish community. Julia Duin writes: Staff members at Renfrew, where 12 percent of the patients are Jewish, said they noticed an uptick in Orthodox clients in recent years. The main pressure, they said, is on the Jewish mother, who is responsible for keeping a kosher kitchen (a mammoth amount of work), providing a generous Sabbath dinner and dessert for not only her household, but various guests who wander in at any point during a Friday evening. Jewish holidays are the worst, they said, as the amounts of food required take weeks to prepare. A woman's worth often rests on the quality of her cuisine. Well, I … [Read more...]
Stepping Off Your Teen’s Emotional Rollercoaster
April 30, 2009 by 18 Comments
A reader writes: I had 3 sons when my oldest daughter was born. When the boys became teens everyone told me, "Just wait till your daughter reaches that age." I was worried about mother/daughter issues, clothing, boundary issues, surliness, rebellion. Now she is 12 and what I've gotten instead is sudden, unexplained, intense sadness, usually in the evening hours. It's not every day, and I haven't found a pattern. I've done blood tests and thank G-d all is fine. In general she is a happy, friendly, busy, responsible, independent kid. Recently there have been social issues, which I assume is normal at this age, but nothing extreme. A lot of her friends have become interested in … [Read more...]
A Vote of Confidence
April 7, 2009 by 12 Comments
When I mentioned that I needed to take the meat out the freezer on Monday to allow it to defrost in the refrigerator, my 5-year-old suggested that I put it outside the window like she had seen the neighbor do. I said it was safer to use the refrigerator. Then my 19-year-old spoke up. "Other people do things for convenience or because they see everyone else doing it that way, but Ima knows how you're really supposed to do things." His decisiveness surprised me. "How do you know my way is always right?" I asked. He smiled and said he's lived with me long enough to know. Even if there's some truth to his comment, I have mixed feelings about it. I hope he won't say it to his wife. … [Read more...]
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