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Fearful Parents Promoting Young Marriage: Zionist Wedding Series #11

November 9, 2010 by 31 Comments
wedding ring in jewelry box

This is the 11th post in a series on Marriage in the religious Zionist community in Israel. I: Dating Readiness, II: Meeting the One, III: Genetic Testing, IV: Dating Venues,  V: Shidduch Crisis?, VI: Internet Dating, VIII: Wedding Costs, IX: Planning Tips, XI: Diabetes,Genetics and Shidduchim. A woman told me the following about a middle-aged couple in the community: The couple have a daughter, age 20, who has been dating her boyfriend, also 20, for three years. The young people show no interest in moving the relationship to the next level. So the parents (both sides?) tell the children that they need to either get married, or break up. The young couple is now engaged. They … [Read more...]

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Diabetes, Genetics and Shidduchim

July 25, 2010 by 22 Comments
diabetes medical kit

It's time for Part X in a series on dating and marriage in the religious Zionist community. Last week's edition of Torah Tidbits contained an article entitled "Diabetics and Shidduchim" by the Puah Institute for Fertility and Gynecology in Halacha. The article strongly discourages marriage to a person with diabetes. [Edited to add: As Rabbi Weitzman points out, the article doesn't say what to do. However,  I read the article as strongly discouraging such a marriage.] After pointing out the difficulties of living with someone who has a serious chronic illness, the author continues: ". . . one of the risk factors for getting diabetes is that it is hereditary. Therefore someone who … [Read more...]

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Wedding Planning Tips

April 13, 2010 by 7 Comments

Image by BijanTwisty via Flickr This is Part IX of my series on Marriage in the Religious Zionist community in Israel. Part I: Dating Readiness, Part II: Meeting the One, Part III: Genetic Testing, Part IV: Dating Venues, Part V: Shidduch Crisis?,  VI: Internet Dating, VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not, VIII: Wedding Costs. Mazal Tov to reader and commenter Keren on the engagement of her daughter. Keren asked for wedding planning help on another email list. I received permission to publish  this response: Lizy_B writes: We married in the north (Ulamei HaNesicha) a wonderful wedding. I don't know about places in the center but there are a few principles we tried to … [Read more...]

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Wedding Costs

February 1, 2010 by 37 Comments
Israeli Bride

This post is Part VIII of a series on dating and marriage in the religious-Zionist community. I: Dating Readiness, II: Meeting the One, III: Genetic Testing, IV: Dating Venues, and V: Shidduch Crisis?, VI: Internet Dating, VII: Paying the Shadchan, VIII: Wedding Costs, VIII: Wedding Costs, IX: Planning Tips Someone explained to me that a plain wedding is not enough anymore. You need to have a cantor, video or  other entertainment. I must not travel in the right circles. Most parents I know want to save on the wedding so the young couple can survive while in school, yeshiva, or the army. Weddings in Israel start at NIS 70-80/plate with most people expecting to pay at least NIS … [Read more...]

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How Much is Finding Your Beshert Worth? Paying the Shadchan

January 25, 2010 by 45 Comments
retro drinking glasses

This is the seventh part of a series on dating and marriage in the religious Zionist community in Israel. I: Dating Readiness, II: Meeting the One, III: Genetic Testing, IV: Dating Venues,  V: Shidduch Crisis?, VI: Internet Dating, VIII: Wedding Costs, IX: Planning Tips, XI: Diabetes,Genetics and Shidduchim, XII: Parents Pushing Young Marriage Today we leave the topic of dating and move on to the engagement. One of the first decisions an engaged couple and their parents will make is how to reward the shadchan (matchmaker). In the haredi world, each side pays $1000 to the shadchan. But in the religious Zionist community, where  most matches are made through friends or … [Read more...]

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Internet Dating in the Religious Zionist Community

January 17, 2010 by 8 Comments

This is the sixth part in a series on dating and marriage in the religious-Zionist world. I: Dating Readiness, II: Meeting the One, III: Genetic Testing,  IV: Dating Venues, and V: Shidduch Crisis?, VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not, VIII: Wedding Costs, IX: Planning Tips I hear of more and more couples who met through the internet.  DossiDate seems to be the most popular site for religious Israelis, and has an English version too. It is open to all Sabbath-observant, Jewish singles. I can think of a lot of advantages to meeting via the internet: Relatively cheap, compared to a professional matchmaker. (NIS 54 a month) Easier to make connections than with multitudes of phone … [Read more...]

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Is There a Shidduch Crisis in the Religious Zionist World?

January 15, 2010 by 37 Comments
Jewish Wedding

This is the fifth in a series on dating and marriage in the religious Zionist community in Israel. Previous posts in the series: Part I: Dating Readiness Part II: Meeting the One Part III: Genetic Testing Part IV: Dating Venues VI: Internet Dating VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not VIII: Wedding Costs IX: Planning Tips In charedi circles there has been a lot of talk about the "tragedy" of older single women not finding their mates. I put tragedy in quotes not to make light of the problem, but to emphasize the word's emotional weight. While it may not be seen as a tragedy, the religious-Zionist community does seem to have a problem. Many families in our … [Read more...]

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Dating Venues: Marriage in the Religious-Zionist World, Part IV

January 12, 2010 by 11 Comments
IMG_8201.jpg

This is the fourth part in a series on dating and marriage in the Israeli religious Zionist community: Part I: Dating Readiness Part II: Meeting the One Part III: Genetic Testing Part V: Shidduch Crisis? VI: Internet Dating VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not VIII: Wedding Costs IX: Planning Tips Part IV: Dating Venues Part III of this series on marriage series was about genetic testing. Today I'd like information on a lighter topic. Where do young couples go on dates? The younger ones, especially, are quite frugal and want to spend as little as possible. I have also heard of young men rejecting offers because the transportation would cost too much. Back when … [Read more...]

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Genetic Testing in the Religious Zionist Community

January 10, 2010 by 55 Comments
Dor Yesharim brochure

This is the third part of a series on dating and marriage in the religious Zionist community in Israel. I: Dating Readiness II: Meeting the One IV: Dating Venues V: Shidduch Crisis? VI: Internet Dating VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not VIII: Wedding Costs IX: Planning Tips Dor Yesharim is an organization founded to prevent birth defects in the Orthodox community. I once heard Professor Ari Zivotovsky on the topic of genetic defects (any errors are my own). He explained that the religious Zionist or modern Orthodox community has the biggest problem with genetic testing. In the charedi community, shadchanim (professional matchmakers) are in control and don't … [Read more...]

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Marriage in the Religious Zionist Community II: Meeting the One

January 7, 2010 by 19 Comments
Wedding in Israel

This is the second part of a series on marriage in the religious-Zionist community in Israel. I: Dating Readiness III: Genetic Testing IV: Dating Venues V: Shidduch Crisis VI: Internet Dating VII: Paying the Shadchan, or Not VIII: Wedding Costs IX: Planning Tips Today's topic: Meeting Your Match Many young couples meet naturally in high school or afterward, in youth groups or university. But how are the others finding their partners? What is the role of parents, friends, teachers, rabbis, dating websites and traditional matchmakers? Which method works best today and what are the pros and cons of each approach? One mother told me her son was set up by friends or … [Read more...]

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