Crawling: A Father’s First Year Blog Tour
Elisha Cooper (no, he’s not Jewish) is an artist and children’s author living with his wife Elise in
We have all the usual milestones: The initial shock of being solely responsible for another human being, the first time alone with a baby who won’t take a bottle, the first trip to the emergency room. But he moves from humorously casting himself as a clueless father to examining his ever-changing emotions. He admits how inadequate he feels next to his wife who seems to know instinctively how to calm and care for the baby. He describes his jealousy of Zoë’s and Elise’s intense feelings for each other.
What makes the book special is how he comes to terms with these feelings and refuses to let them interfere in his relationship with his growing family. Toward the end of the year when he is caring for Zoë full-time, he writes (p. 144) “I will never replace Elise. The intensity of the look she and Zoë share when they see each other at the end of the day is not replicable. But I’m needed.” He never stops trying to find unique ways to connect and interact with his daughter, and develop his relationship with his wife as they adapt to their new roles.
Another thing I liked is that certain “controversial” aspects of parenting were presented as a given. Elise nurses, with never a thought of formula (Cooper even uses breastmilk in his coffee). When Elise travels, there’s no thought of leaving baby with dad. They take Zoë to restaurants regularly, and even attend weekly “baby night” at the neighborhood movie theater. In a funny scene Cooper describes a dating couple who accidentally turn up on the wrong night. Why didn’t anyone in Israel ever think of welcoming babies to a movie showing?
As a mother, I felt uncomfortable with what seemed to be a cry-it-out episode when Zoë is one month old (!).
Sometimes Cooper’s writing is a little crass. And even if he believes passersby who say that Zoë is the cutest baby in the world, he should have the good taste to play it down.
At first I found it disconcerting that Zoë’s age is rarely mentioned; I kept wanting to check how old she was at any given point. But as I often say to mothers struggling with breastfeeding, “Watch your baby, not the clock.” Cooper focuses on his own feelings, without comparing his family and their decisions to those of others.
Crawling: A Father’s First Year is attractive and well designed with short chapters. New parents will enjoy flipping through it during those late night feedings.
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