Learning to Lie

I’ve been too preoccupied to blog, so I invite you to read this excellent article from New York Magazine called Learning to Lie, summarizing recent research on lying. I found useful information for parenting both small children and teens.

Hat tip: Serandez

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Comments

  1. Thanks for the article

  2. This was a thought-provoking article. I try to speak carefully and with thought to avoid creating verbal or emotional “traps” but sometimes it’s not so clear cut.
    I am thinking in particular about the end where the author asks his daughter whether she drew on the table.
    father realizes that instead of asking, “Did you draw on this table?” he should have just reminded his daughter that she is not to write on the table. He seems to know for certain that she did it.
    I think that this also has to be balanced out with the notion kids can grow up with that parents assume that they know exactly what happened, have figured out the guilty party, and are sure that they are correct. I remember being in that position as a kid too, and it can be equally frustrating.

  3. My daughter once lied to me when she was 7 about a bracelet she was wearing that I didn’t recognize. She told me that her friend gave it to her. I gave her what I thought was a penetrating look. She later came to me on her own and admitted she took it (a liar and a goniff!). I told her very calmly that she must return it and apologize. She did, and the friend forgave her. I think this incident was a character-forming event for my daughter, who is now an extremely honest individual. (For once I felt like I got it right).
    Kids do things like this all the time–it’s up to the adults around them to help them grow from their experiences, not that we always know how to do that. We just have to do the best we can.

  4. mominisrael says:

    Thanks to you, Melissa, for visiting!
    RM, I agree completely, and we have to give them the benefit of the doubt. My 4yo lies, and I’m having a hard time with it because I don’t recall my other kids doing it at this age. Regarding the suggestion, keep in mind that reminding her not to draw on the table is not the same thing as accusing her.
    Baila,that’s a great example.

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