Im not sure why we all feel the need to play the blame game. When some-one tells me the reason women in their late 20′s or 30′s are single is because they are too picky I always wonder which things we should drop for our mythical checklists. Kind to strangers? Do I not deserve this? Ability to talk about their feelings? Are these values/options reserved for women who marry in their early 20′s?

I think there are as many self-centered, ugly, unstable, immature, overweight (or whatever other negative term you can think of) women who have married in their early 20′s as there are attractive, stable, mature, happy, easy going, slim women in their 30′s who are not married. I feel that it is as much luck as anything else – you have to be open to meeting someone and settling down at the right time.

I also feel that people often equate being married/settling in a relationship with the statement “I must be a valuable person because I have found one person in the world who loves me enough to marry/settle down with me”. In particular within the religious community being married equates being a participating member of the community which is a heavy burden to carry. At least in the orthodox community that I live there is very little room or understanding for single people > age 25.

In the meantime I am going to continue studying, developing myself as a person and be the best person I can be.

The Steipler told him “You met her already, but rejected her”.

So the bochur started to cry and asked – what should he do now.

The Steipler said: “find someone more or less compatible, and make a good Jewish family together”.

Obviously his advice included properly checking out that the prospective mate. Certainly a wise Chacham, or Rov/Rebbitzen should be consulted to help decide in each case what needs to be checked out, and which are the silly attitudes that caused the tragedy (of not finding one’s mate yet) in the first place.

I honestly am shocked at the number of women friends I have who are accomplished, kind, religious, wise — and over 35 and single. Many of them were dating for marriage before I was. And I encountered the men who complained about the situation but had too many choices and simply didn’t want to make up their mind. Or had it too easy to bother settling down.

Even at 26 I married someone 30 and divorced. At least I knew he knew how to commit. : ) While some at the time thought I was crazy to take on a divorcee, a stepson – and a crazy ex-wife – I married a man who was serious, committed, and knew (and knows) what it means to be a husband.

I really feel for young women out there and I do think it is a “tragedy.”

Add high standards and unwillingness to compromise, and the desire to pursue education and/or fun before marriage, and that’s what you get. There are both religious and secular inhibitions preventing couples from getting together. That’s where our big problem, vs. the Charedi world, lies (imho).

This is SO true. And I know it firsthand. When I was in my early 20′s, I would only date frum (honestly frum) girls, then in my later 20′s and beyond, I began to date some less frum girls, basically to widen the pool of eligible women. Finally, I dated one girl who wasn’t frum … and married her.

Now she is frummer than I am